All about Friendship

[Verda]

Shirlyn sweetie

Maybe your friends are not good in consoling you at this situation. I know there are some friends when they don't know what to say they will keep quiet and give you time away to be alone. Cause they are so afraid to say the wrong things.

But there are also "strangers" who are willing to listen to you. Like us in cosy cot. I am sure the rest of the girls agree with me right?

Why not send your bf an email or letter to explain to him the situation and see how it goes. If he is still adamant about it I guess its time for you to take your time to let ago. Maybe it will be a slow painful process but at least you know its not worth it anymore.

Whatever the situation is dearie, there are people who listen and care too.

[lumos]

when i broke up with my ex, none of my friends came over to console me, i got really fed up with my best friend and asked her point blank why she never called me to console me and you know what she said? 'you are strong enough ***' i got a shock cos i took it really bad when my ex broke up with me

maybe your friends view you the way my friends view me? i always look very strong so they thought i could cope but actually i was crying and crying everyday

anyway there would be friends who are willing to spend time with you, maybe not these two, but i'm sure you have other friends to hang around right? if not, come look for us in cozycot, pm me if you need someone to talk to

[Shirlyn]

Originally posted by fornight
i guess there is always people out there that take other people for granted. Think of it this way, isn't it great that you have finally seen their true colours? Now you know it, you can try to restrain being so helpful to them.

I used to be very nice to a colleague of mine. I thought we should stick together since we are about the same age and we are the only single women in the office. I gave her lots of skincare/cosmetic samples. She gladly accepted all of them. Although she never really give anything to me, I felt that friends should not be so calculative so I scolded myself for being petty. But later on, more and more things surface and her true colours are finally revealed. She is just an extremely selfish person. She is also extremely thick-skinned. Whenever we went out after office hours with other colleagues (she tagged along, we did not invite her), she will not pay her share. One time I asked her whether she paid her share to the guy colleague already or not, she exclaimed "guy should pay for girl, why should I pay?"

Because of more and more such cases, I started to distant myself from her. Whenever I have skincare/cosmetic samples, I passed them to another colleague of mine whom I know she is very tight on cash due to family commitment.

I realised that just because you are nice to other people, they do not have obligation to return the same favour. Therefore you simply have to be nice to selective people. Some people just don't deserve to be nice to. They will only take advantage of your kindness.

my friends also do these. always out not paying. with guys, guys pay. with girls, always say one person pays first. then sometimes forget to return :piss:

[Shirlyn]

Originally posted by lumos
when i broke up with my ex, none of my friends came over to console me, i got really fed up with my best friend and asked her point blank why she never called me to console me and you know what she said? 'you are strong enough ***' i got a shock cos i took it really bad when my ex broke up with me

maybe your friends view you the way my friends view me? i always look very strong so they thought i could cope but actually i was crying and crying everyday

anyway there would be friends who are willing to spend time with you, maybe not these two, but i'm sure you have other friends to hang around right? if not, come look for us in cozycot, pm me if you need someone to talk to

i'm also appear strong, but not emotionally. and my friends know that i am emotionally weak. last night when chatting with her, i asked her too. she only replied me that, she feel that i should handle my own stuffs. sigh. thanks a lot anyway

Verda: Thanks!

I did feel better after ranting out. Thanks to everyone once again.

[natnatviv]

good question of "u are strong enough, so i didnt console u"

have u questioned whether there is a breakdown in communication?

if she assume , then it is a case of "A S S you and me....."
if u dont tell her, how would she know?

i find that friends tend to leave me alone cos they assume...
but when i tell them i need help, they will be there to listen, help and console

talk to pple, it helps whether or not they are good listeners..
u will be surprised at their reaction!

[azure13]

Dear Shirlyn,

Read the thread. I can identify with your situation. It is tough enough already when u are going through a breakup and I feel that its most important to have a support group. That is family members of friends whom we can turn to, to seek some solace and get through this.

Not sure if you have tried contacting your bf. Seems like you need a face to face to closure. No third parties involved so, that u guys can really communicate how you guys feel and most important of all is to be honest with one another. If you feel this rship is worth perserving and you guys are strong enough to give it another shot, then try again before giving up. Whatever the outcome, always remember, sometimes closing certain chapters in our lives may be bitter but it also signifies new beginnings in many many things.

We learn from our experience with the hope that we become stronger, wiser and a better person in the next rship we form with pple who come into our lives.

Talk to your friends, sometimes, pple are like that. We assume too much and tend to take things for granted. Friends are hard to come by, hope that they will come to reflect upon themselves and give more of themselves when u need them.

Always here to lend a listening ear and help if you need.
:wave:

[Shirlyn]

Originally posted by azure13
Dear Shirlyn,

Read the thread. I can identify with your situation. It is tough enough already when u are going through a breakup and I feel that its most important to have a support group. That is family members of friends whom we can turn to, to seek some solace and get through this.

Not sure if you have tried contacting your bf. Seems like you need a face to face to closure. No third parties involved so, that u guys can really communicate how you guys feel and most important of all is to be honest with one another. If you feel this rship is worth perserving and you guys are strong enough to give it another shot, then try again before giving up. Whatever the outcome, always remember, sometimes closing certain chapters in our lives may be bitter but it also signifies new beginnings in many many things.

We learn from our experience with the hope that we become stronger, wiser and a better person in the next rship we form with pple who come into our lives.

Talk to your friends, sometimes, pple are like that. We assume too much and tend to take things for granted. Friends are hard to come by, hope that they will come to reflect upon themselves and give more of themselves when u need them.

Always here to lend a listening ear and help if you need.
:wave:

family members dont know i'm attached. i actually planned to let them know afetr my exams, but we broke up before that. reason is because they're afraid that it might affect my results, so i actually thought of getting my results, then let my parents know that having a bf wont affect my studies, so they can rest their mind.

i've tried contacting him, but seems like my friend always foretell me even though i didnt let her know, and she told my ex that i wanted a patch, wanted to talk and all. hence, my ex refused to pick up my calls. he has blocked me in msn. emailing or SMSing wont help, because he refused to reply. i really do feel like trying one more time, because i feel that the problem that exists between us are all due to misunderstandings and miscommunications, and it can only be solce when we both have talked it out.

last but not least, thanks ::huggies::

[inex]

If you are Shirlyn from fp, I'm going to be brutally frank here. I thought your bf was a loser then and now I think he is an even bigger LOSER.

I dunno why you want him back for.

Blocking your messages? Not even giving you a decent breakup?
Look, no matter what, any decent bf should hear his gf out over ANY misunderstanding. He is obviously not interested in trying to communicate with you and worse, have you thought that he could be using all those lame excuses to avoid you? He is not giving you face, not being gentleman about it and worse of all, he actually have to break up with you through your friend?

Look girlfriend, Dun bother. Let me spell it out for you, your ex is JERK. Oh let me just add LOSER to JERK too.

Congrats, you rid yourself of a JERK. Thats a very good reason to CELEBRATE.

He definitely do not deserve you. Someone else BETTER will come along and someday you'll look back and be glad you didn't wind up with him.

Just take it as a silent breakup. Be sad, cry. If I were you, I'll pretend he drop off the face of the earth. Get rid of all the stuff and memories he gave you. Its much easier to forget him when you dun have stuff lying ard to remind you of him.

And may I suggest you get yourself some new gfs.

[Sherise]

Shirlyn: what a good friend you are! I volunteer myself as your friend?
For me, my friends don't meet up unless I arrange it.And more like once a year. They don't call me up either, probably because they are attached. I don't mind ***, then I call the 2 other single firends, 1 of them want to watch hk serial at home all the time, the other wants to go out with her other clique.

So consider your friends better than mine?

[creepcake]

Friendship or SO?

I have a group of 4 girl-friends whom I've known for more than a decade. The group of us used to be very close and chummy, always meeting up regularly for shopping, lunches/dinners.

However recently, 2 of them are getting more estranged from us. One of them has started on a new job, while the other recently got into a relationship (not her first relationship though). Both are *always* too busy to meet up, not even in the evenings (be it weekday or weekend)! I mean, how busy can a girl get with work or her SO, so much so that she can't even spare an evening for dinner?

This is causing a rift among us, as the other 3 of us (who are also happily attached, yet can still find the time to meet up) are not too happy about the way they set their priorities. Whatever happened to 'friends forever'? Should we talk to them about it? Or just leave it be? :eh:

[daphz]

I'd say for the girl that just got into a new relationship, be a friend, give her some time...they are in that I-cannot-get-enough-of-you-even-if-I-see-you-everyday stage

Another possibility is that one or both of the girls could have some issues...perhaps they are not growing in the same direction, at the same pace...I don't know...am just speaking from personal experience. People grow up, grow apart, there's no point forcing the friendship sometimes...

[natnatviv]

i used to face the same predicament, SO or friends.
it was hard cos most of us are working and the only time we have, we really want to spend it with the SO

however we all sat down and talk about it.
some friends move on and spend less time with us but i think it is okie?
as long as u know your priorities, it is okie i guess.

and yeah, i still keep the same circle of friends and whenever we can, we grab time for coffee, dinner or drinks!

[stilafaux]

I too have encountered such situations!

I guess nowdays people are more overwhelmed with work,school and SO and they usually prioritize them over the friends part.

People mature at different levels and sometimes along the way as you go on in life, some friends might tend to "drop off" like leaves from a tree as they are heading to a different direction in life.

A good friend of mine was pretty occupied with her SO and her personal life until it was pretty hard to meet up initially.
When time passed, we did meet up occasionally for a cuppa or two

[pulpy]

i guess it's normal. sometimes friends just dift apart at certain stages in ur life as they are too busy etc.

but if the friendship is strong, she will make time for u once in a while still n u can still maintain the strong freindship.

give them sometime as one just got into a new r/s and the other is most prob busy with her work as u have said. it's understandable.

[michannat]

i've a friend who's tremendously busy with her work as well. i've known her for more than a decade. she has turned down numerous dinner appointments coz she always has something to do. nowadays, i leave it to her to do the calling. if this friendship means anything, she'll put aside some time to call us out. but i do understand that she's really busy. so, instead of meeting up, we try to catch up via phone calls or e-mails.

candice, with your friend, i guess she's still in the "honeymoon". stage. give her some time. instead of pressuring her to come out, just let her know that she has to do the calling sometimes. i like the idea of talking to them and let them know how you girls feel. it's worse feeling upset and not doing anything about it.

hope you girls will be alright soon.