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My regret at 32

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  • My regret at 32

    hi just wanna share.

    I met my wife at the age of 21, n she was 17. Of course we are sexually active then. we were about to be very young parents at that time, it was her first preg at the age of 18. However we both were too young then. Both of us were working then. Her family were extremely strict! immagine the first time i met her mum , she had a police baton in her hand. dunno where she get it.

    At that time we decided to abort it, that was the first time. Then there was the second then subsequently the third abortion. We loved each other n i loved her, we got married when i was 25 n she was 22.

    After only after 3 abortion, she starts to take the pill. she was on it for 4 yrs till 2 yrs ago she stop. we decided to start a family, we will be paying off our house in 2 yrs time and we had already saved quite a sum in our bank no much libilities left.

    We had been trying for a child for the past 2.5 years but to no avail. We have sex like one month 20+ times, of course we dont do for the sake of having a family. but we really put in much effort but evry time her p comes i get disappointed.

    Tomolo we are going to take a test already made an appointment at KK.

    My wife, which i loved so much often tell me she does want a child. And i am the one that wants it. But i know deep down whenever she see our friends playing *** their kids, her face shows envy.

    This is to tell every little girl here to cherish there body. Everybody have their sexual needs but try not to harm ur own body. Looking back i wish i had the balls to marry her when i was 21 but now 12 years on i am left without a child. The most 12 years ago all i will i get is a scolding the most a beating but now if the doc tell us she cant get preg ever again. i will be fill with regret.

    I am 32 my child will be 11, 10 and 9 this year. Pray for me wish me luck for i have really sin.

  • #2
    its very brave of you to share your story with us and i hope that we can hear good news from u soon

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    • #3
      agree with shinystar. this teaches everyone to think of the consequences before making any decision or doing anything. it's really sinful to kill three innocent lives. but i'm sure god would forgive, bless you

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      • #4
        Originally posted by dollishchic View Post
        agree with shinystar. this teaches everyone to think of the consequences before making any decision or doing anything. it's really sinful to kill three innocent lives. but i'm sure god would forgive, bless you

        U r right. when i was young i thought i could conquer anything, we were rebels. Every little step u take in life, leads u to a farther journey u have to take, unless ur life end prematurely. If u are married or with someone u care for, it is wise to make the right move in this chess of life. Like chess if u dont make a move, everything have to wait before u make one. but if u make a wrong move then there is no turning back.

        Just like mine. i want to be a father now, the move i made years before dont allow me to do so. If i hadn't made that painful decision at that time, life will be a ???????? waiting for an answer.

        It is some time great to have a life with full of ???????. Then u will know as a man or a women u can handle life.
        Last edited by song; 21-10-2008, 11:52 PM.

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        • #5
          Thanks for sharing your story with us.. I've thought about abortion before too and never saw it from your perspective. It got me thinking..so thank you so much!

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          • #6
            it's really brave of you to step out and reflect over what happened.

            do be brave and i'm sure u'd see the silver lining soon don't ever give up on yourself, your wife or life. i'm sure things would work out satisfactory ultimately.

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            • #7
              Pls do a lot of charity work and dedicate them to your unborn children.

              Your story is by no means the first that I have known. After an extended period of time, it's very hard to get pregnant as the system has been surpressed for so long.

              Even if your own kids did not get a chance, you can give other kids a chance in life.
              Why not sponsor a kid in a third world country?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by swerves018 View Post
                Thanks for sharing your story with us.. I've thought about abortion before too and never saw it from your perspective. It got me thinking..so thank you so much!

                Of course then we were young like u. our combine salary then of 3K per month was a far cry from what we earn today.

                U need ur family cause u r the girl. u will be the one in pain, pimple out breaks, vomiting n many more .......... .

                The most important thing is to have ur family forgiveness n surport. Ur SO love n commitment.

                I am the guy i know. If u ask me to be the father at 22 i will cry n go crazy.

                Ask him what he wants. most importantly do u think he love u n will continue to do so. Will he step up to a fatherly role be mature.

                OHHHHH! one very important thing are u ready to be a mum, get rid of the "Singapore Princess Syndrome".

                All singapore children from the 70s onwards are prince n princess.

                U must be ready to make Sacrifices, no more late night partying n r u ready for gossips by ur so called friend n relatives?


                For myself n my wifey, we had always had that kind of we dont care attitude. We don't care about what plp thinks, we live life as it is. at the end of the day it is only us. we will be the ones closes to each other. neither god or our parents or any one else can take over or dictate our lives.

                At the end of the day, i will be sleeping n hugging my wife not my parents or other plp. So in the end the person i will ever have to answer is my wife for she will be the one that i will have to spend the rest of my life with n she will be the one who will make sacrifices for me when my mum passes on. R u ready to be that women?

                If my parent make sacrifices for me it is because i am thair child. but if a women gives her everything to me then it will be the ultimate sacrifice.

                If u love ur So n ur So really love u, nothing else matters.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by alba View Post
                  Pls do a lot of charity work and dedicate them to your unborn children.

                  Your story is by no means the first that I have known. After an extended period of time, it's very hard to get pregnant as the system has been surpressed for so long.

                  Even if your own kids did not get a chance, you can give other kids a chance in life.
                  Why not sponsor a kid in a third world country?

                  It is easy for u to say that. which women dont want to have their own child. Which rsponsible men does? That decision 12 years ago already cause me to be punished. i just hope whatever mistake i had made 12 years ago when i was immature will not to be the pain n burden for my wife for the rest of her life.

                  that is why i had set aside 40k for IVF (worse case). The thing is we would like to have our own children.

                  What i am writing here is to share n tell every young women n their SOs that dont make the same mistake as me. As i had a choice back then and i wasn't man enough to avert the mistake that i made.

                  As a women u would rather go through the pain n have ur own child than so called sponsoring one.
                  Last edited by song; 22-10-2008, 12:59 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    i think that people still need to be educated. that if u are not prepared to be pregnant etc or marry because of baby, pls dont have sex. condom is not 100% safe too. because of that ew nights or happy moments might be big regret later on in life.

                    i think someone mentionewd abt sponsoring kids is to reduce yr karma in a way. i think there's been a saying that if couple no baby etc, they will try to adopt one (last time) and now is to sponsor? then later have baby? not very sure. guessing. if u have religion, pls also seek help from yr religion too. other things might be to see doctor to tune yr wife health.
                    Last edited by VinLongo; 22-10-2008, 01:36 AM.

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                    • #11
                      .

                      Dont give up hope. Medically there should be no reason you can't conceive again if the abortions were done properly. I dont want to advise about sin and religion here as itl could be guilt on your part and speculation on my part in the end. I have a close friend who went though 5 or 6 abortions for same reasons and now she does not have her period anymore. Doctors couldnt explain why and I suspect they will say it's nothing to do with her abortions because they were done properly. She's single as she broke up with her bf after 5 years together. And she's not been having her periods for 2 years since.

                      Maybe it's psychological, the effect of mind on the body. You need to forgive yourself and your wife, esp has to forgive herself and move on. TCM may help in such unexplained cases.

                      Best of luck
                      M

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                      • #12
                        Assuming that your wife can't conceive because of her three abortions, I find it hard to sympathise. I am neither pro-choice or pro-life but three abortions in four years?! Almost one a year.

                        One would think that one would have learnt to start taking precautions after the first or at least the second abortion (I'm also assuming here that all the abortions occurred as a result of failure to use protection)

                        I think very often abortions are taken too lightly. And it is done because it is often the "easier way out". I have a friend that got pregnant when she was 17 as well, the guy was 16. The easier way out was of course to abort, keep it hush hush and till this day (years have passed since) their parents don't know about it (if they did, their parents might have skinned them both alive).

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by song View Post
                          It is easy for u to say that. which women dont want to have their own child. Which rsponsible men does? That decision 12 years ago already cause me to be punished. i just hope whatever mistake i had made 12 years ago when i was immature will not to be the pain n burden for my wife for the rest of her life.

                          that is why i had set aside 40k for IVF (worse case). The thing is we would like to have our own children.

                          What i am writing here is to share n tell every young women n their SOs that dont make the same mistake as me. As i had a choice back then and i wasn't man enough to avert the mistake that i made.

                          As a women u would rather go through the pain n have ur own child than so called sponsoring one.
                          I think there's some misunderstanding here.

                          Sponsoring and adoption are different. You don't have to bring your sponsored kid home.

                          Since we are at this point I will share with you.

                          Many years ago my mum miscarried in the early stages of pregnancy which she was unaware.

                          Fast forward 30 years later to my brother's wedding. A few months before, my mum went crazy and we had to ferry her to at least 2 docs a day for the entire month because she was fretting and playing tantrums!!

                          Can you imagine that?

                          Finally, after all the works and a pscyhiatist, my aunt brought her to see a medium. And discovered all these years, there was a baby ghost living and staying beside her.

                          This baby ghost was the miscarried foetus and she grew up alongside with us. But non of us knew of her existence until she went ballistic upon hearing the news of my brother getting wedded.

                          She felt neglected all these years and jealous that my mum pour her heart and soul to prepare for my bro's wedding. As she told the medium, she was not fed nor clothe.... Hence she took revenge by playing tricks on my mum and make her go crazy.

                          Finally, we arrange another nether world wedding for her and peace was restored in the family. My mum was better without the need of much medical attention.

                          My mum did recall many years ago a TCM doc was adamant that she had miscarried by just reading her pulse and she thought nothing of it.

                          The same thing happen to another aunt but hers was more serious as she had aborted twice.

                          If we had known, we would have arrange chanting rites to send my baby sister on her way to be reborn instead of letting her suffer silently.

                          As a buddhist, a good rebirth needs merits and only human is capable of making merits and transfer those merits to the departed.

                          These are personal experience and not heresy. I hope this story will benefit you and others.

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                          • #14
                            Hi Song,

                            Don't give up hope. I've heard of stories from friends where they've unfortuantely had a few miscarriages hence had prob. conceiving. But after ~ about close to 8years? The wife is finally pregnant with their 1st kid!

                            If u havne't tried Chinese medicine - maybe u can consult one of those -eastern-western one so they can advice on tonics for ur wife while bearing in mind that she's undergoing some western treatment/vitamins - if any.

                            Another thing that worked for 2 of my friends is this : Try not to be too "stressed" about it - my friends tried for years - "working hard" at getting a baby but didn't conceive. When she "gave up" after a few years - taking it "easy" , she conceived. I think gynae told her that the fact that she was so stressed from not being able to conceive when she tried so hard somehow had adverse effects on the process itself.

                            Just sharing...

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                            • #15
                              Hi Song,

                              This is a very good story to share, however I felt that you're too stress about having a kid. Which might indirectly causes both of you to be very stress. Which many of us knew that stress is also part of the factor to make TTC fail. Try to be positive instead on negative, you will be surprise by the message your brain can send to your whole body.

                              I believe in TCM with Western medical do have help since both of you are still not very old. Maybe do some charity for both of you, yeah you may felt guilty to lose the 3 babies when you are young. Like you write, when you are young, everything was ???.

                              Hope your appt with KK was a good news

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