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Do i salvage or move on from here?

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  • Do i salvage or move on from here?

    Hi everyone, I need some 3rd party opinion on what happened. Am quite a loss now. I am deciding if I should try and salvage this rs or I should move on.. we are only 2 months in this rs. I know its new. But, i don't really wish to just let it go like this, yet, I don't know if he is worth holding on to?

    Knew him in June this year thru a event. We hit off very well & we dated. So eventually we got together in end Aug. He was all along pretty ok to me, and i thought nothing bad about him until this saga. Here it goes:

    It started off as on Monday, he suggested to do a day trip JB for spa treatment & he asked if I can take leave. I agreed to it, so we planned it to be on Thursday. I remembered he ever told me before he doesn't dare to drive in to Jb previously. So I asked him how do he intend to go in this time round? He told me will drive in. So I take it as he has thought about it. Then he proposed to do a stayover on wed night in JB to avoid the morning jam even tho I told him theres no need to do so, he insisted he wants to do so. I find it amusing but I still agree to his plans anyway. So we arranged that he pick me up at 10pm and we will go in jb.

    But at around 8pm, he suddenly dropped me a text. He said he think its better NOT to drive there at night. A bit worried. Shall we take a bus in & then cab to the hotel instead?

    I was quite taken aback when he suddenly have this change of mind. But I replied him that I am not too sure about this cos, honestly, taking a cab in JB at night is not really a good idea to me. I personally had a bad experience with JB cabbies. I mean if its so much of a concern for him then why not go in the next day then? its daytime afterall.

    Then I still jokingly say :aiyo bf u very cute leh if u don't dare to drive in at night then u shldnt suggest a stay over mah.... I tot u shld have considered this b4 hand & I did ask u about it mah right?

    then he just replied me : OK

    I then told him then that's the case maybe I think we don't go in at night as I rather we take a bus in the next day, daytime since he is not comfy to drive in.

    He replied me: I tot taxi should be easy. If I drive, u r ok?

    But before I could reply anything, he suddenly replied, Ok , Nvm forget it then. I asked him forget what thing? Is he unhappy or something?

    He just replied me: Its ok.

    I sensed something is wrong so i asked him, bf, if u are unhappy I would like to know what happened, did I say something wrong here?
    Last edited by Mssy Jo; 17-10-2014, 03:25 PM.

  • #2
    He then told me that he was excited to go in but was disappointed cos he didn't realise that I am not accommodative to his suggestion to take a cab in. But nvm. he will cancel the hotel and we go in tml.

    So I replied him, maybe I can explain myself. I told him its not that I am not ok with taking bus or cab, its just that there's really potential danger to take cabs at night. But having say that, I am flexible to other ideas. but it seems like he is unhappy with me not taking his suggestions.

    then he said its ok we will go in tml.

    But u see the point is, all these abrupt sudden change of decisions here & there, & his unhappiness etc makes me feel that i no longer feels like going after such a hoo-ha. we will be pulling a long face to each other tml. i don't want to meet up just for the sake of doing so.
    And honestly, i tot i should be the one having the need to be upset for this sudden change of plans, which i didn't.

    So i told him maybe tml don't go in, go in another time.

    He just replied OK.

    I told him, i don't want both of us to pull a long face when we see each other (cos i am abit scared of him giving me black faces tml) Then he totally ignored me until the next day. i cldnt take it, i called him, wanting to talk things out, asking him how can we solve this incident?

    He didn't really want to listen to me but just only tells me he don't see why I decided not to go in eventually & he finds me unaccommodating not to take a cab in when he feels that its perfectly ok. I asked him, have u travelled to JB often? have u took a cab at night in jb before? He say not really.

    So i told him, he needs to understand my concerns as well. i am worried for both our safety. I feel that he is not receptive with what i said, so i told him i cant really stand petty guys. I told him to think about it and we ended the call. Then after awhile that's when he dropped me the bomb. he told me he wants a breakup. he says i am too strong for him, not accommodative enough. He is more suitable for a accommodating girl.

    Well. all these while i have been always very flexible with whatever his plans is. i just follow what he wants to do. He himself keeps telling me that he finds me very easy to be with, i am very easy going with all his plans. And now for the 1st time i have my own opinions. And he wants to end it?
    Last edited by Mssy Jo; 17-10-2014, 03:31 PM.

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    • #3
      Seems that he has something on his mind, but he doesn't want to voice it out to you. Some guys are like that, they are even more hard to understand than girls.

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      • #4
        i mean, perhaps he feels that i didn't put things in a nice words enough to him for the whole of this exchange. But i didn't really flare up. i was making my statement.

        It was only until the next morning when i sensed that he is ignoring me just for this incident, I got pretty upset when I called him.

        & after he text me for the breakup, I still tried calling him twice, but he refused to answer my calls.

        So i replied him in a fit of anger, "asking him is this really what he wants?"
        "& if u doesn't even want to give me a proper closure it speaks a lot about u. & u are quite a different person whom u claims to be. i guess the feelings wasn't strong enough for both of us. i have done my part in reaching out but u ignored me tho i find it disappointing too."

        "& u r not alone. i too, find that our character doesn't match. u r a nice guy. but i probably prefer a man who is not too narrow-minded and is willing to work things out, making decisions together instead of jumping into conclusions alone. & not being a hypocrite who appears to be a pleaser where in actual fact who just wants his way.
        Good luck to finding a accommodating girl. & u r right, with such a mindset of urs, u r indeed more suited for GIRLS.

        Yes, at this point, I know my reply might be harsh. But I really very maligned and hurt by him just wanting to pack up & go without even wanting to seek for a compromise between us. I don't know if I should regret with my reply to him.

        Ladies, (or guys) what do u think u would do now?

        Please.... I need really concrete sound advise before I decide to salvage or to let go from here...


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        • #5
          If you ask me, I do feel that he is being childish and narrow minded. I'm sure in future you will find another man hundred times better than him. To salvage or to let go is your own decision, listen to your heart.

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          • #6
            Agreed with maclover. Think he's very childish and narrow minded.
            Seriously I don't think there's a need to stayover at JB. If you are talking about heading to KL or further, probably stayover is better.
            Moreover you both just go over for spa treatment. No point in staying over. Can always go in the morning time, and have your spa session in the afternoon after lunch, and probably some shopping nearby, and head back to SG in the evening. Sorry to say, I feel he have some bad intention. If you know what I meant...
            Such guy seriously is not worth being together with.

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            • #7
              I have the same feelings too, he is not worth it. Even if you and him were to patch back, after awhile things may turn ugly again.

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              • #8
                From reading and base on my past experience (had a similar situation as you), will suggest to give up and move on.
                Don't be like me the previous time, get him back, and in the end, got even deeper hurt.

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                • #9
                  You deserve a better man, so just move on please.

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                  • #10
                    Snowy don't mind can u share with me ur story?

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                    • #11

                      Anyway we havent been talking since then.

                      I decided to make the 1st move to call him on Wed. He answered my call & i told him i thought about it these few days & wanted to talk things out. I told him i have been repeatedly reading our msges & realised that its a misunderstanding for the whole incident & hence the hoo-ha.

                      He told me he did read our msges repeatedly too and he was telling me how he felt. He said i was the one who told him i wanna a breakup 1st.

                      I told him i dont wish to end things just because of this. Its our 1st quarrel and we are still trying to know each other.

                      Then he suddenly ask me can we talk face to face instead. BUT, he is flying off until next week. I asked him flying for work? He said no. I was quite shocked that he is flying cos i remembered he has a very hectic schedule this week at work.

                      He told me the reason he is flying is cos, SG is very bored& its becos of ME, i think he is very badly hurted and he wanted a break so he just book a tix & fly.

                      When he told me he is flying, i didnt know how to react & i went silent. He did immediately tries to explain to me its a last minute decision & he just needs a getaway.

                      So we agreed to meet up next week for talk when he is back.

                      I guess i am overdoing things by calling him back when he has kinda already had his own plans. Is he is sending me on a guilt trip by telling me how affected he is hence a need for a short getaway? maybe theres vindictive streak in him? hahaa
                      & he has not contacted me since we last spoke, I think he is having fun overseas


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                      • #12
                        Did you ask who he went with? Did he show any pictures on Facebook that he is overseas with male friends, and not a female companion.

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                        • #13
                          I used to know someone like this . They will make or change plans last minute, u accommodate , then they change the game plan and any unpleasant thing that happens is your fault . If a man is petty and so unaccomodating even during this lovey dovey 2 month relationship , that means for the rest of your life u would need to accommodate to his whims and wants , which apparently are often not in tune with your wants eg the part about staying overnight . I some how feel , all the drama was a scam to get u to stay overnight with him ...people don't take trips suddenly ( of they do that is also a undesirable character trait), so he is just shifting blame on u to play the guilt game . It is only two months ... Two years down the road u will have to take he blame for everything eg his pet dies, it is raining ( believe me, I was blamed for that ) etc... Do u want this type of life?

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                          • #14
                            I think your actions are reasonable , u are accommodative enough eg taking leave on a short notice at his whim , staying overnight ... Hence even if we just write off as character differences , I feel this guy is not suitable .

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                            • #15
                              Give up... The action is very clear already.
                              My suggestion, don't even need to meet him again...
                              Give it a clear break...

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