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Do you ask your friends who are mothers out?

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  • Do you ask your friends who are mothers out?

    just want to ask - may seem like a silly question, but just want to know what everyone thinks.

    have a good friend in my clique, X who is a mother of a 4 year old boy. she is still a little "playful" and likes to come out for makan and coffee once in a while. i say "playful" because the other mothers in our company are very "pro-family" and spend their time outside work exclusively with their family, spending time with their kids and so on.

    recently this other friend who comes out with us has been commenting that X's son is very rude and defiant and naughty. he thinks that X should spend more time with her son. he is very Kpo and also went to ask another colleague what X should do (?!!???!) and told me that we should not ask X out anymore as we are tempting her not to spend time with her family.

    i don't really get it, X is a matured and rational human being with the capacity to think. she can make her own decision. as a friend, i enjoy her company and i will accept if she chooses to spend time with her family.

    when i said this to my friend, he accused me of being selfish (?!!?!?!?) and told me that i should think from the POV of her husband. To me, it's really X's problem with her husband. if she comes out with us, just ask her hubs permission nicely isn't it!?

    so i would like to know, am i just insensitive because i am single and no kids, and i don't think i'm selfish.
    do you try to avoid asking your married colleagues out for fear of tempting them to spend time with you instead of with family??

  • #2
    it depends on how your friend manage her time

    how can you outcast a friend just because she is married or with kids?

    please.. married woman with or without kids needs friends too

    dont treat them like alien cox they are married with or without kids.

    kids being rude, naughty or defiant might not be because your friend spends little time with her boy

    it depends on how he is being brought up

    and anyway none of us can comment on the boy's upbringing cox thats her son

    and if your friend dont think there is anything wrong with her son, why should we bother?

    its her son and her family right?

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    • #3
      This is a pretty interesting topic. I have a few married friends in my click. Each time there is a gathering, they are always talking about... houses, decos, pots, recipes, hubbies etc. I feel there is a widening gap between us as each year goes by.

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      • #4
        Actually its okay if you can join in with the gossip. Maybe if you can't relate to what they're talking about, try to steer the topic to something u CAN contribute your opinions to. I have friends and colleagues who are married and have kids, but i still like hanging out with them. Because they are more mature and have been through more, they can give me insights into life, about things i used to take for granted.

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        • #5
          Have a close friend who has a kid. She's always grateful when I ask her out. Why? Because taking care of a kid is really not easy for a young mother. She needs a break every once a while.

          Oh... her husband I think is not very happy that she goes out especially with us, because as a 'traditional' man he feels we might tempt her with the outside world, now that she's married & all , her place is in the home!!!

          Well that's really the couple's problem. All I know is , she's my friend , who needs a breather now & then, & I'm definitely going to help!

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          • #6
            I'm married with a 2 plus yrs old girl. I'm very grateful whenever my friends ask me out for makan or coffee. Yes, moms do need a break from home and everything. It makes me feel that I'm still attached to the outside world and not living in my own world only. Everyone needs friends. Luckily, my friends are all very ok with me bringing my little girl out with me all the time. My hubby is ok with me going out with friends too. All I need to do is to tell him that I'm going out with my friends. I guess I'm pretty lucky then.

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            • #7
              I don't ask them out anymore. They are always so busy with their kids and husband, so i have given up asking cause i was rejected most of the time. They are always telling me how busy they are, that they don't even have time to sleep and rest.

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              • #8
                I'm a mom to a 3 year old son. when my son was a newborn up to about 2 yrs old, I seldom get the chance to meet up with friends or go out for any gatherings thats apart from my family. whenever colleagues asked me out for dinner, I would reject them because I felt bad for not spending time with my family and worried that my hubby will mind.

                it reached a point that I felt rather depressed and stifled, like I dont have a life apart from working and taking care of the household chores and family. I don't have a alternative identity apart from being an employee, a wife and and a mom.

                but my hubby still goes out with his friends and I asked to be included as well and we would bring our son along. As I got to know his friends better and became closer friends with their girlfriends, i enjoy and look forward to meeting them each time. I also started going out with my colleagues and asked my hubby to take care of our son for that night. i feel young and happier actually

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                • #9
                  reckon it depends on individuals ba

                  i have gfs who have kids, 3 kids to be exact

                  but she still goes clubbing, partying and chionging

                  nothing changes at all wor

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by tangtang View Post
                    reckon it depends on individuals ba

                    i have gfs who have kids, 3 kids to be exact

                    but she still goes clubbing, partying and chionging

                    nothing changes at all wor
                    wa your friend very good at time management!

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                    • #11
                      I think we should be more asking our marriage friends out. HATE those who got married and MIA drfited aprt from friends .. when need us come to us with their problem .. when happy TOALLY FORGET us .... Thank God It only happened to me once.... wont happen again ... God bless ^^

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                      • #12
                        me thinks that guy friend of yours just wants to ask you out alone! lol.

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                        • #13
                          I think it is extremely unhealthy for married women to cut themselves off from society, with no friends and interests apart from work and family. Are they doomed to lose their identities? How would they cope if problems arose in their marriages or families? We should help them out by trying to include them in social and recreational activities.

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                          • #14
                            I just meet up with this friend of mine, who has 2 kids now. Its really not easy to ask them out for tea or even for a dinner. She spents her time with her kids and hardly have time to do her own shopping, lead her own life, and she will only meet up with her friends like once every few months.

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                            • #15
                              I think it's okay to ask your married friend out with you since she also needs to enjoy. But make sure to ask if she's not busy with anything for the family so that you won't cause any domestic problems between her and the husband. It would be nice if you as friends will help watch out for her kid when she brings her son along. It would be a unique way to bond, isn't it?

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