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Handling jealousy

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  • Handling jealousy

    I used to think I wont be so jealous easily. till i found out my friends are getting close to my bf, and I've become easily jealous. I have 2 friends, K and T.

    T always confides in my bf, she used to confine in both of us, but now my bf and I have got together, she only confides in him. No matter is an outing organised by some other friends or my bf, even if i have suggested that plan earlier, she wont go and till my bf organises, she say she'll go. she told me she's not free on that day, then my bf (unknowingly) went to ask her, she said she's free on that day. Whenever our friends organise an outing, when she ask me i told her i'm going then her reply is still unsure and when she asked my bf and he's going, she said she IS going. I am quite close to her, till she met my bf. so upset.

    Next, K used to be my good friend, but she has a very bad temper, and I am the one letting her vent her anger everytime. Whenever she needs help, i will try my best to help her and console her. And whenever she need a listening ear, it's me who had to call her, she will either send me an sms say call her or she will give me a miss call say call her. Both of us have free incoming call, but why should i always be the one calling? and once she starts to talk, the duration at least is lke half - 1hr, letting her rant only. All of us has been very busy nowadays, my bf, me and she. Yet everytime, she only talks to my bf. when all 3 of us are in MSN, she'll message him for a chat, and me? only when she needed help. I'm really feeling very upset. One more thing, she likes to badmouth my bf in front of me, complaing this and that.

    I did let my bf know that I am jealous of her, but he did assured me. As for T, I didnt let him know, but he sensed that I am quite jealous once (when i'm not), so it's over. He always say he loves me, he cares for me, he'll do anything for me, i dnt doubt him for all these, but I am really very jealous, and whenever he starts talking about them, what they had told him etc, I will feel quite hurt. Sometiems when they needed help, he will tell me he wants to do something, talk to me later. I waited for him for a few hours and even when i'm very sleepy, i kept waiting. When he came back, he told me he had just finished, he's feeling tired and wants to rest and he still ask me why i am still online when he told me he'll be away for a while and wants me to wait for him to come back. I only knew that that asked him to do something when K (always her) or T told me what my bf had helped them do. T will always praise my bf, and K will say how good is my bf, how lucky am i........

    Sorry for ranting here

  • #2
    Well, my jealousy level is not low too

    I guess u have to judge for yourself, from how well u know your bf, how secure u feel with him... If you trust him totally, there is no need to get upset over the 2 girls. Cos u know, your bf is always there for u. Make known to your bf on how you feel, and improve the situation.

    No problem on ranting here, we have many pairs of listening ears here


    • #3
      Hi Shirlyn,

      It's alright to be jealous coz afterall he's your bf. Anyway, just curious, what are the things that K and T asked him to do that make him not to tell you about it? :huh:
      But you need not worry so much though, perhaps it's some trivia matter that your bf finds that it's alright not to inform you specifically as he's just doing his part as a friend.

      Try to find out more of their situations casually from your bf if you feel insecure, and could perhaps try to offer your help instead of expressing disappointment.

      Basically, you're not the only one jealous... most probably both K and T are jealous of you and makes them trying to request your bf to do some interesting errands.
      Do feel proud of this fact though!

      Sorry, not able to help you much... but hope situation do improve for you!


      • #4
        Hey, aren't you flattered that your two friends seem to secretly (or not so secretly LOL) like your bf? I don't see how its wrong or why they shouldn't like him or want to be close to him, afterall, good catches are not everywhere. But if your bf is the 'unmovable' sort, then why are you worried at all? Or, if your bf is the easily tempted sort, then I say forget him and get yourself a man who won't be moved by anyone else. Either way there is no delima. I think these two 'friends' might be a bessing in disguise, good opportunity for you to sort out the jealously issue with yourself and see if there is something else lurking.


        • #5
          Given this situation, I would have yelled my head off or threw some stuff out the window.just kidding.
          I'm a green-eyed monster.

          I think you are so calm about things already Shirlyn. *envious*
          It's because your BF is a gem that's why your friends like him and probably have a crush on him (T). Her crush on him is so obvious.

          Would you do this to her if it's the other way round?
          If she's your true friend she wouldnt do this to you, just what I feel.

          Your bf has to draw a firm line between him n T.
          You are, afterall, the gf here, not T or anyone else.


          • #6
            Hey shirlyn! Yup like what mango said, it really depends on how much you trust your bf and what kind of person he is. For myself, I'm not a jealous sort of person and both my bf and I feel that in a relationship, both parties should have their personal space and have their right to have close friends, be it male/female. My bf has a ton of female friends who have this habit of calling him up everytime they need a listening ear and sometimes he'll even go out at night to console them or something..I'm perfectly fine with this because i know that he's a faithful guy and I trust that he knows the boundaries. In fact, I have close guy friends whom I tell personal stuff to and go out with as well.. it's not like I'm interested in my guy friends just because I confide in them! So, as long as your bf doesn't behave funny and assures you everything's fine, trust him because mutual trust is the essence of a relationship. Maybe your girl pals confide in your bf because they feel that he makes a good listener and can be trusted with secrets. Or even if they really have a crush on him, who cares??What matters most is that your bf is true to you and doesn't give a heck about them


            • #7
              jemay: thks, mmmmm, i did let him know but he only said that i am just plainly jealous about him.

              mint_infused: things like their project research, we're all in different course, but then their projects are even more related to me, except for a subject which i didnt take. for a few that i took the same as my bf, i was the one who helped my bf with it. i did offered my help, but they say they know already. as for my bf, when they asked him, he said if it's his work, he will ask me for help. but sicen it's somebody else asking him, he wants to help them on his own.


              • #8
                hi shirlyn...

                guess that trust is the main factor here now... don't worry... my bet is that at the bottom of your boyfriend's heart, he'll still feel for you...

                the other girls are just a passing phase and trust me, if he were to omit talk about other girls in front of you, chances are that he'll have a guilt conscience to live in, and you'll have more to worry about...

                don't worry... you can just rant off here.... i'm sure there are many supporters for you..


                • #9
                  jealousy is a normal thing when u really care for him/her.
                  as a matter of fact, i am a green-eyed monster like Hunny
                  the important thing is u probably dont have to worry about this 2 girls (ur so called friends)
                  i do think they are quite toxic judging from the way you describe it.
                  friends will stand by you no matter what, not trying to talk to ur bf and trying any hanky panky...


                  • #10
                    Maybe you can try sharing how you feel to your 2 female friends. Sometimes we girls think that we are so close to our buddies that we thought they will not mind how we behave or talk to the bfs.

                    I am sure you want the best whereby you and your gfs and your bf can stay happily together. So try talking your feelings out to your gf.

                    Hope everything works out for you


                    • #11
                      Hey Shirlyn,I am in a similar situation like you...things got quite bad because I took it lightly initially.By the time I got jealous,I sort of "confronted" my girl friend about it,but she denied it violently and accused me of doubting her as a good friend.Sigh....on the other hand,she badmouthed me in front of my bf (shes a close friend of my mine and my bf) and she had always treat him very differently from other guys.Talk about back stabbing right?
                      In the end ,i concluded that I don't need such friends like her


                      • #12
                        so how's things between you and ur bf now?

                        Mmm..... my bf seems to mia these few days, dont think i wld want to contact him again. when he seems to start mia-ing, i tried ways but now he's like contactless
                        Last edited by Glossie; 08-01-2005, 09:41 PM.


                        • #13
                          He doesn't really respond to them now.It helps that I try to stay cool.


                          • #14
                            what is your reaction if ..

                            what is your reaction if someone who you don't know send a season greeting message to your SO?

                            1. will you get very jealous and demand your SO to explain?
                            2. is nothing wrong.

                            as you all know, xmas is just over, and I've sent out tons of sms greetings to all my friends on xmas day. Guess what, one of my friends changed his hp number some time ago and did not inform me. so apparently my sms went to someone who i didnt know.

                            and now the person who owns the number (a guy) called me up and scolded me for causing his jealous gf to mistook him for having another gal outside.. OMG. And this guy, in the 1st place when got the wrong sms, should at least sms me back and ask me who am i, right? but he didnt. Instead he kept calling me at my hp, and i kept thinking how come my friend keeps on calling me.. (because on my hp it still shows my friend's name) (and i kept missing his calls, 'cos he kept calling at 11+pm or early morning like 6+ 7+am when i am already /still sleeping!)

                            I tried calling back to find out why he kept calling me but phone was engaged so i sms "why u looking for me? i tried returning call to you but it was engaged. " Then this guy also never bother to sms/call back. Feeling funny i just ignored it thinking if he wants to call he will call again.

                            then finally the call came again, at a much proper timing, 8+ am in the morning. I picked up the call and get scolded early morning .. only later to realise that my friend changed his hp number.

                            now he want me to meet up with them. And i wonder if i should. Cos the guy sound so ah beng like he wants to bash me up. He also asked if I received a call from a girl yesterday, and asked what did i say to her. Like I've said something wrong to her like that.

                            All the girl asked was if i know a person by the name xxx and i told her no. She said she has received some sms message on xmas greeting on xmas day. I told her i sent out alot to my friends, probably singtel direct the sms to wrong hp number (it happens sometimes) and i don't know her (i think she is malaysian from her tone) and dont know the person that she mentioned.

                            So now i think the gal must be his gf. I told him to ask his gf to call me. This is all but a misunderstanding!

                            I am so frustrated! How come this girl so jealous. It just a misunderstanding. and it was just a pure simple greeting of merry xmas and happy new year. Nothing mushy on it! *faint* I feel like scolding her.


                            • #15
                              The girl is way too over reacting IMO .. way too jealous and childish, don't bother to meet them up.. there'll be non stop nonsense coming from them I think.