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Crying at Work

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  • Crying at Work

    As the Chinese Saying goes "Woman is made of tears" How many of you have cried in the office?? Do you see it as a form of weakness or another way of expressing your feelings?

    My lady supervisor, a Contracts Manager heads a team 5 surveyors. In our opinion, she is rather incapable as she couldn't finish her work and is technically unsound. When she was pressured over dateline, she went to my director and cried. In the end, her work was delegated to us.

    Couple days ago, she cried again when my Project manager tick her off for something she has done wrong. Hers is not the *silent kind* and alarmed all of us, even the director!

    Sometimes i have the urge to cry in office but i try to control it. Crying to me, is a form of weakness.

    Which leads me to my question.
    1. How do you react/ behave when your supervisor cry?
    2. Have you cry in office? Why?

    My Contracts Manager is a mother of 3 and in her early forties. :roll:

  • #2
    wow, Smartcat, i dont know
    i havent worked under female supervisors before, my reporting managers are all blokes

    to be frank, i think it is okie to cry cos really i feel it is of no use to keep inside u.

    however on the professional side, i wouldnt cry in front of my supervisor.

    i choose to be calm in front of my supervisor at least and probably cry in some corner unseen

    actually, i find crying abit of threatening and not very professional? i guess Smart, your supervisor might be feeling the stress at work as well as at home. Hence her supervisor should speak to her about it.

    1. How do you react/ behave when your supervisor cry?
    Ignore the fellow, he/ she needs time to calm down

    2. Have you cry in office? Why?
    Yes, a friend passed away. Never cried because of work. Work is work


    • #3
      Smartcat, I'm not sure but perhaps your lady supervisor is a really emotional person. Or maybe she is facing some problems at work or home and the things she is currently handling might be too overwhelming for her. I don't know how intense is the ticking off but yet again, for an emotional person, sometimes a simple ticking off can trigger some tears.
      I think it depends on the situation, like what happened that made my supervisor cry. If she got screamed at by someone in a public place in front of everyone, felt so humiliated, I'm quite sure most women will probably feel very conscious and tear. At least I will. It's even worse if you don't deserve the scolding. I have seen my superior cried before, I can empathise with them.
      I cried a few times in the office. The feeling of unappreciation, work overload and work politics. But I never do it in front of my colleagues. I'll just do it in the ladies. I cried when I have done something wrong, but apologised for being emotional later.


      • #4
        I think crying is a complete no-no in the office. Yes, we all can understand that there are situations when you just want to break down and let go. There are also times when you can't help yourself! But when it comes down to it, crying is extremely unprofessional and it ruins your standing in the office. It's taken as an indicator that you can't handle the pressure and workload of your job (i.e. less than competent) and that you're overly emotional.


        • #5
          If that person is a supervisor, I would expect him/her to show fighting spirit. If he/she crumbles over every setback, I will doubt his/her leadership ability.

          Having said that, I don't mind he/she cries private (we are human after all). But I draw the line doing it in front of the team.


          • #6
            Natnatviv and artichoke, you certainly point out something which my colleagues and me totally overlooked.

            Perhaps my manger could be having some emotional problems say at home or at work. I think when a woman has achieved equal status as a man and performing their role (in this case, a manager), we have all look up and see her as a *man*. I don't think a male manager ever cry in front of the whole office much less make such huge sobbing noise.

            What happened to us? We wear the pants, compete so hard, behave like man to achieve equal status. And yet when up there, in a man's role, any display of feminine characteristic and weakness is frown upon. Even by women ourselves.

            I confess, I regard my manager as *man* that's why I felt uncomfortable about her crying bouts. Perhaps i should be more lenient to my own sexes.


            • #7
              And to add.

              I totally agree with Xue that crying is a complete No-No in office. There are times when i was simply so mad that i could burst and yet, i controlled the tears. Even my colleagues could tell and see the tears swimming in my eyes. I would run and go hide in the toilet to compose myself before facing the world again.

              To me, office is a battleground. Shall not display any weakness!


              • #8
                I have not encountered any supervisor who cried due to work or otherwise.

                Personally, I teared once at my first job when I was scolded by my boss for a mistake I made (after following the deputy GM's instruction during his absence). I think I just disliked loud outbursts (i.e. shouting by people) and my 1st boss always shouted at staff when mistakes were made. Lucky it was a Saturday and only half the people in the office so no one really heard or saw the incident.

                2nd time I cried was after a phone call with a supplier (also during my 1st job). I had a very trying conversation with him and I was too inexperienced to handle it. Can't remember what it was about, but I was so frustrated that I cried. Lucky I had my own room with a door, so no one can see.

                But I learnt fast and that is the end of my crying bouts. Now I give grief to my suppliers.
                Last edited by silvercloud; 19-02-2005, 11:41 PM.


                • #9
                  Sometimes, i get so angry that i feel like crying. But so far, i've not teared a single bit at my current job.

                  In my first job, i was suffering from a major case of job dissatisfaction. I won pitches and brought clients back but my boss 'snatched' it away from me. I was very very unhappy and for a while, i didn't even want to talk to him and i slammed doors very loudly. (I am a very hot-tempered person)

                  Later, the boss's wife (heh he's a F***ing coward right?) came to talk me and and i shedded some tears because of the injustice. But anyhow, she's the wife so no prizes for guessing who she sided.

                  Bloody nincompoops.


                  • #10
                    i see this a very interesting topic.

                    Sad to say... i cried before in the office. That was my very first permanent job when i'm 20. i can't exactly recall what happened, only remembered a very veteran in the company, a late 40s woman whom i don't report directly to, venting her anger at me and she's very very rude to me. Being young and naive and not been thr this cruel society, i broke out into tears, the silent type though. My colleague and i went outside and she consoled me. I told myself it's not worth it crying for someone who means nothing to me. She's of no significance in my life.

                    That's the last ever incident of ever weeping in the office. (so far i hope...)

                    Smartcat, imo, in the case of the contract mgr, i think she's using her tears as a form of weapon, very unprofessional one to rid herself of more work or responsibility. :puke:


                    • #11
                      1. How do you react/ behave when your supervisor cry?
                      A. I have never encountered any supervisor whom cried.

                      2. Have you cry in office? Why?
                      A. Yes. Think it happened last year. It was due to work stress. After so many years of working when I thought I am able to hold my feelings well? I wept so hard that I nearly used up 4 packs or more tissues? Haha. If possible, bring up issues at work? Try not to coop up? Agreed what Vivian has quoted previously. Work is work.


                      • #12
                        4 months ago, my life was so miserable...

                        I worked in a construction company. and the boss we reporting to is a female boss who is the big boss's youngest sister.

                        there have 6 girls worked in that company. when i first go to this company, i don't know anything, until the first time i was scolded by the female boss then i knew from my colleague, There has NO girls worked in this company never cried in the office before. They cried all because of the female boss scolding.

                        However, i never cry because of her scolding since the first day i worked there till i caramel girl said it's not worth it crying for someone who means nothing to me. She's of no significance in my life.

                        She is really very fierce and ridiculous. Got a time, i just forgot to write back a telephone number after i blanko it, and i got scolding 'What the **** thing you are doing?'


                        • #13
                          I cried in the office before in front of my boss somemore! :Doh: not because I got scolding from him. We were talking about certain projects then I felt very very unfair because it I was trying hard to handle those projects alone because no other people in the company want to help yet he said I being too independent (think something like that...forgot the exact story)

                          Anyway I am an very emotional person sometimes so now when I know I want to cry I avoid the whole damn topic.


                          • #14
                            i cried in office before too.

                            that was like last year when i was on attachment for half a year.

                            the first time was when i was working overtime to complete some calculations for an engineer. i was on attachment and they do not require us to do OT. but i wanted to finish that particular calculation asap. i had a long day and was not able to work well. so i kept asking the engineer the same questions. afterall, i'm just a student. i think at that point, the engineer had lots of projects on hand and was not in a good mood. he said: i thought i've already told you how to do it? why you still don't get it?

                            for goodness sake, i'm just an undergrad. how can i be compared to the engineers who have been working for at least 3 year? i couldn't take it and hid in the toilet to cry. after that incident i avoided the engineer for a couple of days.

                            the other time was when i was really sick and couldn't finish my school report. my supervisor seeing that i was worried over the report told me to go to the autocad in charge to see if there's anyway for me to copy the big file and bring home to complete.

                            i know that i shouldn't be doing my school report in the office, but my supervisor already gave me permission and if there's any other work in office, i'd complete it first before doing my report. i went to the autocad supervisor and asked if there's anyway to copy the file back. he replied me in a super harsh tone saying that i shouldn't be doing my own stuff in office. and kept harping on it. refusing to do anything for me.

                            in the end i couldn't control myself and went outside to cry. if he didn't want to help me, he could just say so without scolding me. i took a cab home with eyes all red.

                            luckily the engineers there are quite sensitive about these things and they didn't mention it anymore. *phew*

                            i'm a big crybaby. but i went back during christmas and was able to chat happily with them again! maybe both parties were not in the best of moods at that time.


                            • #15
                              Chiri, i can understand your situation. I think fresh graduates or younger gals are more prone to crying as a way to vent their frustration.

                              Looking at your post, you should be studying a construction related job right? I am a Quantity Surveyor ( :wave: to ahmay1218 ) Datelines are part and parcel of the job. Don't worry you will get use to all these.

                              I think our skin become thicker the older we get. And that's the reason why we were buffled by my contracts manager's outburst.

                              CaramelGirl - I agree with you totally. Very astute.