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  • Discipline

    Do you cane your child or just punish by time-out sessions and explaining?

    My son is 20 months and getting out of hand, had been doing the latter but still no improvement. Please advice, thanks!

  • #2
    Sigh...I also need some advise on this.

    My daughter, who is 2.5 years old now, is really driving me crazy. I have beat her on the buttock on 2 occasions before. But she was not afraid, and did not even cry. I came to realise that it is no use beating her at all, because her skin will only grow thicker. I have seen another extremely naughty and violent boy in our neighbourhood, his grandma said that they kept beating him but it is useless. I realised that beating a child may cause him to become violent, he might think that it is alright to do it to other children.

    I will try to explain to her, or tell her that if she is naughty, she will not get certain things. This does not work all the time. But I find that as she grows older, she will understand better. Also if she insists on doing something, I will just let her do it and not make a fuss over it, after a while she will get bored with it.


    • #3
      I strongly recommend 'The Discipline Book' by Dr William Sears.

      Here's a useful link:


      • #4
        Each to his/ her own I am reluctant to hit my child but I still smack her butt/ hands when things really get out of hand! I try to cool down first thou.

        My daughter is someone who takes more to reasoning then hitting, I hit out of anger mostly and I am always constantly trying to improve the discipline problems. I find talking it out is the most important!


        • #5
          I always explain nicely to him but he just purposely do everything that I say no! So I'm wondering if it's normal for toddlers to behave like this or it's his character or the way I teach is wrong? Maybe because I'm a first time mum so feeling a little discouraged by his behaviour.


          • #6
            My girl does that all the time. No choice have to be patient with her. So long as she is not doing anything destructive to herself or other people, I just ignore her. When she refuses to eat or bathe, we have to make it fun for her while doing it. For example, put lots of toys in the bathroom so she can play when she bathe. I find that things do slowly get better as she gets older. I try not to shout at her or let my anger show, because she will behave in the same way. If she screams and cry and throw tantrums, I just simply ignore her.


            • #7
              i don't beat my girl. in a dangerous situation, i'll tell her 'no' sternly or i will remove her from whatever's causing the misbehaviour. if she throws a tantrum, i ignore her.....she stops once she realises that she's not getting any attention.

              if its a situation where she's objecting cos she wants her way and i want my way, i'll try to 'negotiate' with her or like tamarind, turn it into a fun/play session.

              i got lots of tips from this book, Supernanny


              • #8
                Not a mummy here, but it's definitely an experience for me. Used to think I love kids but taking care of a kid is so different. Haha but i still love them! so cute! this thread is so interesting..

                I helped my bf's sis to babysit her daughter once. Shes 1.5 yrs old and I had to bring her to attend some school (for developing the left brain) with her maid. Now i really understands that taking care of a kid is never easy. It is very tiring for me after a long day. Luckily there's a maid. Also to say, i'm inexperienced. And I must look at her wherever she goes, even in the house. i'm so afraid she'll knock onto something. *stress* I think its both physically tiring and mentally tiring.

                Ok, while in the class, she passed her book to another girl. and when the other girl accepts the offer, she became defensive and snatching back the book. So in this case, what should I do? Luckily the other little girl is very mild, if not it might turn into some cat fight.

                I dont really dare to discipline her cos she's not my kid. Anyway I also dont know how to go about doing it So I just talk nicely to her.

                After the incident, I just told her that the little girl is trying to help and "cannot do this" etc..not harsh but am not sure if she understands what i say(cos she's just 1.5yrs old) hahaha...But when i tell her not to do something using "jie jie will scold scold ok!" then she really stop doing...

                Then if "jiejie scold" does not work, it will be "uncle scold scold ok!" (randomly pointing at any uncle passing by)

                I think its so amusing...
                Last edited by cUp; 21-09-2005, 04:55 PM.


                • #9
                  I'm always in this situation that he throw everything he sees, even after I say no nicely. And when he throw tantrums by crying and rolling on the floor or grabbing something to hit me, I usually talk to him nicely and if that doesn't work I'll ignore him. But the problem is he'll still continue doing it!

                  I find it so easy to read and understand those books on teaching/ disciplining your kids but so difficult to apply on him. Think I'm going mad already...


                  • #10
                    I also tried "uncle will scold scold" on my girl, it actually worked ! I guess it's because children are usually scared of strangers.

                    How I wish I also had a chance to take care of young children like you, before I have my own. Then I will know what to expect.
                    Last edited by tamarind; 21-09-2005, 05:11 PM.


                    • #11
                      I think children will behave better with strangers around, I always ask my friends to scold him when he misbehave outside and it works though only for a short while. I tried caning on his bum recently but only works the first 2-3 times, then after that back to square one.

                      tamarind, does your girl behaves better than your boy? Wondering any differences between boy/girl behavior.


                      • #12
                        Perhaps you can get ideas from this book "How to talk so kid will listen. How to listen so kids will talk".


                        • #13
                          Can find this book from Popular? Or any other books to recommand, girls?


                          • #14
                            My boy is very obedient and good natured compared to my girl, but then he is only 1 year old. I think when he approaches 2 years old he may become very naughty also. I think your son is in the "terrible 2" stage. My hubby read somewhere that, at this age, their brain is developing very fast, but they still cannot express themselves well vocally. That's why they get frustrated easily. My girl can talk very well now, compared to a few months back, and her behaviour has definitely improved. I think we have no choice but be patient and don't lose our cool, children learn languages at an amazing speed at this age, so it is important to keep talking to them and teaching them. They should be out of the "terrible 2" stage quite fast.


                            • #15
                              Thanks for reminding me about the "terrible two"! I read before that at this stage parents need to be very patient with them, think I should put aside my cane for the time being. What do you think I should do the next time he climb tables and throw things?