SAHM in the west

[lilac7]

Hi all, I am very new to this forum. Didn't know abt this forum until I searched for something at Yahoo and was guided here I must say this forum is
I am starting this forum to get to know mummies who are taking of their babies full time and staying in the west so that we can have a playgroup for our little ones and make new friends. Here goes my intro: I have a 7.5mth gal who was born in TMC. QUit my job in my 2nd trimester as it was too stressful for me. I am now enjoying staying home taking care of my gal and enjoying reaching milestones with her. She has recently learnt to pull herself to a standing position and I feel so proud of her. Looking forward to see replies in this thread!

[mango]

Hi there, welcome! I'm also staying in the west (not very west tho, around 15-20min drive to orchard), fulltime sahm to my 15 mth old girl. One of the loveliest things for me about being a sahm is being able to be here for my girl all the time. There'll be plenty more surprises in store for you, enjoy!

[lilac7]

hi there mango, thanks for the replies. i am near jurong east area, quite near to imm. so u have a 15mth old gal. she must be busy walking and running ard by now right? did u send her to any classes like kindermusik? I tried kindermusik when my gal was 5 mths.It was not bad but very tiring for me...hehe cos got to carry her around. In fact, i am waiting to try the baby jumper gym at bt gombak.

[mango]

I do go to IMM once in a while, so maybe I have accidentally met you there hehe. My girl is walking everywhere these days, its really increasingly fun the older they get hehe. I did send my girl to gymboree's crawler class when she was younger, I think since around 6mth. I've also trialed kindermusik but personally didnt find it very impressive so I never signed up. Also did a course of baby yoga when she was way younger, but she fell asleep in the class alot haha, so that was out too.

[Medusa]

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[lilac7]

Hi mango, yeah maybe we have seen each other at imm before! just went again the other day, wanted to get socks and panties for my gal from kidsmall. but didn't see any nice ones. *** go mothercare, maybe later. i will be bringing my gal to tanglin mall to see the "snow" later! hehe what are ur plans for today?

Hi medusa,

thks for the welcome. which part of the west do u stay in? seems like ur gal is abt the same age as mango's, both are walking toddlers already. mine is still a wobbly crawler..haha i will be bringing my gal to try out baby yoga next week...just to get her exposed to more things instead of simply staying at hm. is yr gal attending any classes on a regular basis?

one question abt discipline: when did u gals start to discipline yr babies? my gal is coming to 8 mths and i find recently she has been throwing tantrums deliberately. i have smacked her because of that. do u think babies this young knows what we are trying to tell them?

[Medusa]

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[mango]

Hi mango, yeah maybe we have seen each other at imm before! just went again the other day, wanted to get socks and panties for my gal from kidsmall. but didn't see any nice ones. *** go mothercare, maybe later. i will be bringing my gal to tanglin mall to see the "snow" later! hehe what are ur plans for today?

Merry xmas to you and your family! We had a quiet day today, did some shopping earlier on, then had dinner at in law's in evening, nice n peaceful day for us!

one question abt discipline: when did u gals start to discipline yr babies? my gal is coming to 8 mths and i find recently she has been throwing tantrums deliberately. i have smacked her because of that. do u think babies this young knows what we are trying to tell them?

Discipline in itself means to teach (it doesnt mean only smacking/hitting/timeouts or punishments), so I personally do believe that discipline starts from as early as whenever. I do believe that my baby knows some of what I am trying to get across to her, and that young children are alot smarter and intelligent than what they are usually given credit for. But as for whether or not the child has the ability to inhibit her own impulses, follow given instructions, and act against her wishes to please the adult, its another thing altogether. Eg, when adult says 'dont ever touch the xxx!!' and expects the child to not touch it ever again, the child might know what it means, but in order for her to 'obey' this, she will have to 1)feel that the adult's instruction is more important than her curiosity 2)be able to suppress her urges to explore 3)have the ability to remember the given instruction all the time and 4) have the discipline to always supress this urge to check out this very interesting looking object. (heh, sorry for sidetracking abit , but u get what I mean )

And tantrums happen for many reasons, maybe the child is tired/ hungry/ uncomfortable/ feels misunderstood about something/ wants something badly and is unable to get her wishes communicated/ (fill in the blanks). Or she might just be testing boundaries to see if your reaction will change/differ from time to time. There's always an underlying reason behind tantrums, esp it happens frequently. For us, we practise gentle discipline and strive to not practise hitting/threatening/punishment as a means to get the child to 'behave' so I have no input/advise on smacking-type tactics heh.

[tamarind]

I don't think an 8 months old baby should be smacked at all, they are simply too young to understand. If you smack a baby from such a small age, the baby will grow up thinking that smacking is OK and they will do it to other kids also.

If my little boy and girl are doing something really naughty, I will stop them from doing it, and tell them firmly that they should not do it again. They will repeat it a few times, but after a while they will know not to do it again.

My boy is 15 months and I have never smacked him before. My girl, now 2 years 8 months, has been very naughty. I only beat her buttocks on 2 - 3 occasions when she is really bad, and that's only when she is more than 2 years old. It is no use beating a child too often, her skin will only grow thicker. Because I am normally very nice and loving to my girl, when I am angry with her, she will feel very distressed, not because she is afraid that I beat her, but because I am not nice to her anymore.

[mango]

Because I am normally very nice and loving to my girl, when I am angry with her, she will feel very distressed,....

Hey I agree with you on this!

My girl is extremely sensitive to my reactions and responses towards her. At times when I appear flustered( even tho its not about her at all, nor directed at her in any way) about something and seem less jovial/cheerful when I speak to her, eg, say something to her with a straight face w/o smiling, she will peer very anxiously at my face and seem to wonder what is wrong. On other occasions when I get just a lil bit upset at something she does and I accidentally raise my voice just a weeny bit when I speak to her, she'll be really affected, will look really and even burst into tears! And its not the sort of trying-to-cry-so-mummy-will-soften kind, she cries like her heart was broken and she is really hurt.

So because her sensitivity to my feelings and moods, I dont usually need to do alot to make her know that I'm upset at certain things she does. I would think that it helps that I dont normally react negatively to the things she does, and I give as much freedom/encouragement to her to explore/express freely as I safely can, and I dont get mad easily over everything she does. So when I actually DO make a statement that I want her to know is important, she does pause and give me the attention I need.

[lilac7]

hi there, seems like u mummies have well behaved babies. i feel the method of discipline very much depends on the temperament of the baby and your relationship with her/him. maybe i didn't mention clearly, i smacked her when she bit me when nursing. i do that so she knows that is something that *** nt be done. i will also tell her that it hurts mummy though i don't think she really understands now. i am more for both smacking and explaining lovingly. i see too many singaporeans spoiling their kids and ***'s y i tell myself i *** not be one of these parents.

tamarind, r u a sahm too?

[lilac7]

anyone read the discipline book by dr william sears? any comments? guess i be borrowing this book to read up a bit

[mango]

hi there, seems like u mummies have well behaved babies. i feel the method of discipline very much depends on the temperament of the baby and your relationship with her/him. maybe i didn't mention clearly, i smacked her when she bit me when nursing. i do that so she knows that is something that *** nt be done. i will also tell her that it hurts mummy though i don't think she really understands now. i am more for both smacking and explaining lovingly. i see too many singaporeans spoiling their kids and ***'s y i tell myself i *** not be one of these parents.

One thing I firmly believe in is that not hitting does not = 'spoiling' (I am guessing that your definition of spoiling would be a rude/ unkind/ selfish / etc child? Correct me if I am wrong heh). In my opinion, child turns out 'spoiled' when he is never given consistent boundaries/limits, he doesnt have appropriate behaviour to model after, he is not shown/modelled how to share/care/love/empathise, when his basic needs are not met and hence is unable to meet the needs of others even when he is of suitable age later on. A child isnot spoiled by being loved, nurtured and having his needs responded promptly to (when the caregiver is able to).

I guess discipline beliefs/practices are just really subjective, so to each his own.

anyone read the discipline book by dr william sears? any comments?

Dr Sears is an attachment parenting nazi (in my opinion ) and he does not avocate hitting/threatening sort of discipline methods, in fact, I think he is rather against any forms of that. So if you are a firm believer of spare-the-rod-and-spoil-the-child, then his books might not be of use to you. But then again, if you are keen to read up more on various parenting methods, why not skim thru it at the library to see if u can make any sense of it.

Personally I do not agree with everything he says in his books (his views can be a wee bit extreme to me sometimes), but I would still recommend 'The discipline book' and 'The successful child'(or something like that) anyway cause there are quite alot of pretty useful stuff in there- just mentally delete what you do not agree with and use what you can.

[lilac7]

hi there mango, u do sound very "expert" in the subject of discipline and thanks for sharing your knowledge. i am generally ok with attachment parenting. in fact i do carry my baby a lot, keeping her close to me. i agree that every parent will have their own method of teaching their child, i feel that as long as it works for the child, that method will be the best method. i have reserved the discipline book and hope to get some ideas from there.

mummies,
how long do u intend to be sahm? any intention to join the work force soon?

[tamarind]

Hi lilac,
I am a full time working mum, also staying in the west.

Personally I feel that an 8 month old baby still does not understand the consequence of her actions. She will not understand what she is being smacked for.

I don't believe that regular smacking does any good at all. There is an extremely naughty and violent boy in my neighbourhood, his parents beat him all the time, but it is useless. I think it is precisely because they beat him, which makes him thinks it is OK to use violence on other kids. This is the last thing that I want my kids to become.