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  • Family obligations?

    A question to the married women, esp, (single also can contribute, of coz): do you face some kind of obligations from your mum, or your MIL, eg. for the CNY, they expect you to buy gifts and goodies for them, in addition to giving them ang pow? And even if things are already well-taken care of by the other family members (my brothers' family) that she lives with?

    I think my mum suddenly asked me to buy a can of abalone, not that she loves it or doesn't have (my dad already bought 2 cans already), but I suspect it's a 'face' thing for her, or so that she can tell her auntie friends about it. It's quite out of the blue, coz I do buy things, food and snacks regularly for her (in addition to giving her a mthly allowance) when I visit her but this is like a suddenly imposed 'obligation' thing.

    Do you face such kind of rather odd obligation? How do you deal with it?

  • #2
    Nope I don't face what you are facing. Both my parents-in-law are deceased already. But I think that my hubby's siblings do expect us to buy stuff for them. When we were paktor-ing, we went to queue for Lim Chee Guan Bak Kwa for them... but last 2 years not celebrating CNY due to deaths in family (so never queue to buy) and they were still kinda expecting it.

    What I don't like is that they expect us to have more disposable income because we are DINKs, hence we should spend on their children. Not like they helped out for the wedding financially in any way. We paid for everything ourselves.

    My own parents do not have such expectations, but I think my husband is taking them for granted. He never voluntarily buys things for them.

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    • #3
      i do buy things like abalone, alcohol for my family coz i don't give extra money during new year other than the monthly allowance. if not married, you are eating those things as well as no big deal. if married, it is just a show of filial piety and parents being old will be expecting you to take care of them. that's why those married with kids are called the sandwich generation.
      i also buy things for my future in laws and will 'teach' my SO to practice the same (i.e. buy for his parents and my parents ). Just my 2 cents worth. ..

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      • #4
        Originally posted by caden28
        Nope I don't face what you are facing. Both my parents-in-law are deceased already. But I think that my hubby's siblings do expect us to buy stuff for them. When we were paktor-ing, we went to queue for Lim Chee Guan Bak Kwa for them... but last 2 years not celebrating CNY due to deaths in family (so never queue to buy) and they were still kinda expecting it.

        What I don't like is that they expect us to have more disposable income because we are DINKs, hence we should spend on their children. Not like they helped out for the wedding financially in any way. We paid for everything ourselves.

        My own parents do not have such expectations, but I think my husband is taking them for granted. He never voluntarily buys things for them.
        Huh? Why do your hubby's siblings think that way? They are responsible for themselves and their own children.

        Yes, my SO also dunno how to "cho lang" and remember to buy little gifts, not even to his own parents sometimes. I have to remind him sometimes. But sometimes I think such obligations are a bit much. Sigh...

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        • #5
          Originally posted by schnauzie
          i do buy things like abalone, alcohol for my family coz i don't give extra money during new year other than the monthly allowance. if not married, you are eating those things as well as no big deal. if married, it is just a show of filial piety and parents being old will be expecting you to take care of them. that's why those married with kids are called the sandwich generation...
          You're right in saying this, but I feel that my mum is already well taken care of by her sons (who live with her), plus I do give her $250 monthly allowance (I don't live with her) and buy her toiletries, make-up, misc stuff she ask for and ang pow. Are these considered too little?

          Thanks for sharing your thots.

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          • #6
            polo : I'm not married yet, so I still live with my parents. At this moment, I'm giving my parents $500 monthly 'allowance', although they certainly do not need the money. My good friend's married and staying with her in-laws. She gives her parents about $400 monthly (she doesn't give any to her in-laws as her DH takes care of that). I feel that the amount of monthly allowance given should be up to each individual. I think that the amount you contribute (plus the fact that you buy other misc stuff for your parents) is a reasonable amount, so don't fret! Since your mum is the one who's requesting for the abalone, maybe you could share the cost with your DH and present it as a gift from the two of you?

            I don't face any obligations from my future in-laws, but I always make it a point to buy gifts/hampers for them during the festive season. My SO does likewise for my parents, so everyone's happy.

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            • #7
              I don't get any obligations from SO's parents... in fact, when I buy them stuff, they say I waste money. But I know that they appreciate it anyway la. On the other hand, my SO gets (alot of) obligations from mine.

              Supposedly, I'm obligated to give them (my parents) $500 a month. I would, if I HAVE the money. I'm a somewhat fresh diploma grad, and my take-home pay is only a little more than $1000 only? And they STILL expect me to save and pay for my future wedding with my own money and laughed that I could only get married at about 40 since I'm always so "poor".

              If I'm supporting them, I don't mind at all. But they earn so much more than me, and I didn't even get $500 for my monthly allowance before! They only want to show off and compare with other people, and I am seriously annoyed by that. Their "face" more important than their daughter's survival? Rightttttt.

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