Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Do's and Don'ts in a Divorce

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Do's and Don'ts in a Divorce

    I just moved house. Quite a traumatic experience, finally leaving my matrimonial home, packing up boxes of useless memories, lost years and wasted life experiences.

    There was this box of expensive cutlery that my ex-wife and I bought in London in the final year of our marriage. We told ourselves that we will use it only to celebrate special occasions like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, festive seasons etc etc. It was still in its Harrods wrapper. I ripped it apart and ate instant noodles with it. Grand Opening ceremony.

    So here's my instant noodle ruminations.

    Dos
    ===

    (1) Make that final attempt to sit down and have a heart to heart talk, casting aside all pride, egos and bitterness. Do remember when all else is gone, you can still love again somone you had loved before. You will be surprised what you can learn about yourself, afterall, who else knows you better than your spouse?

    (2) Keep the divorce settlement as amicable as possible. Work out all terms agreeable to both parties, settle money issues out of court. It helps to keep the door open for a future meaningful friendship. Just because you suck as husband and wife does not mean you cannot make it as best friends.

    (3) Stay focussed in your career or your kids, whatever keeps your mind occupied. A divorce is traumatic for everybody, so have friends and family to help ventilate your thoughts and feelings and tie you over till you recover sufficiently to be on your own.

    (4) If there are children involved, DO make sure that their interests are taken into account first. Stories of how kids are invariably the suffering party in a divorce are well documented. The kids do not know the difference between custodial parent and non-custodial parent, only Mum and Dad. It is a long term arrangement, so better make it amicable to last 5-20 years.

    DON'Ts
    =====

    (1) Letting the courts make decisions for you. Things said in court will remain in your memory for a long time. Let the lawyers handle it, try to dehumanise the whole legal process.

    (2) Going around badmouthing your ex. In a divorce, both sides share equal responsibility and thus equal blame. Justifying your decision only serves to show your own inadequacies and paranoia, notwithstanding total lack of class.

    (3) Plunge straight into another relationship. You are not in a state of mind where you can make rational choices. Falling in love on a rebound is invariably a bad mistake. You have to be fair to yourself and your other partner too.

    (4) Never split custody of kids. Siblings are meant to grow up together.


    Just some ramblings over cup noodles. It is culled over my own personal experience and that of others around me. I'm sure it is by no means exhaustive nor reprentative of what others think but its my own personal opinion at any rate.

    The World according to Psycho

  • #2
    Hi Uncle Psycho!

    You have been missed during your absence here!

    I hope you're OK now. Although I dont know you but you seem to be doing quite well compared to some divorced couples I know.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Do's and Don'ts in a Divorce

      Originally posted by Uncle_Psycho
      I just moved house. Quite a traumatic experience, finally leaving my matrimonial home, packing up boxes of useless memories, lost years and wasted life experiences.

      There was this box of expensive cutlery that my ex-wife and I bought in London in the final year of our marriage. We told ourselves that we will use it only to celebrate special occasions like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, festive seasons etc etc. It was still in its Harrods wrapper. I ripped it apart and ate instant noodles with it. Grand Opening ceremony.


      The World according to Psycho
      hallo uncle psycho,
      those years are not wasted and lost, not useless memories IMO just years of experience...
      i hope u get on well with ur present life and hey, i enjoyed ur previous posts!
      take care yeah?

      Comment


      • #4
        heya... hope you'll come out of this stronger and wiser. you seem to have all the right advice on divorce anyway

        Comment


        • #5
          Hey girls,

          My marriaged ended almost 4 years ago, well officially anyway. Unofficially, I now suspect it ended about 3 hours after my wedding ceremony.

          No worries, the ol' uncle is made of much tougher shite than that! Thanks for the kind concern anyway. Its just a silly moment of nostalgia and sentimentality over some stupid cutlery.

          Like I always tell my friends, my sex life is nobody's business but my own to mind. But damned, business been bad.....

          The World according to Psycho

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey you! Welcome back.

            Silly moments like these put me on hold for 100 times longer. Sucks. Well I do hope you meant what you said.

            Comment


            • #7
              3 Cheers for you! Whatever reasons for the divorce, you are so nice to share your experience and offer precious advice. I think words of comfort are redundant now because you've probably grown out of it! And you are coping it so well...at least in the right state of mind to assess the rights and wrongs,dos and donts of the whole incident! The road ahead still has lots of room for you!!!Move on Man....

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Glossie
                Hey you! Welcome back.

                Silly moments like these put me on hold for 100 times longer. Sucks. Well I do hope you meant what you said.


                Oi Xiao Jing!!!

                Bought any handphones for the dude lately?

                Hey! The only time you're put on hold is because the other party is engaged!!! 100 times longer or so is a mere technicality.

                Now althogether now, to the tune of Beatle's Yellow Submarine, 1, 2, 3, 4.......

                "we all are a sucker for pain,
                sucker for pain,
                sucker for pain.
                we all are a sucker for pain
                sucker for pain,
                sucker for pain....." da da da da da da daaaaaa

                Meant what I said? Hey, I never meant what I said, and say what I meant!!! I have a certain reputation at Cozy's!!!!

                The World according to Psycho

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Peace
                  3 Cheers for you! Whatever reasons for the divorce, you are so nice to share your experience and offer precious advice. I think words of comfort are redundant now because you've probably grown out of it! And you are coping it so well...at least in the right state of mind to assess the rights and wrongs,dos and donts of the whole incident! The road ahead still has lots of room for you!!!Move on Man....

                  Hey Peace,

                  Gee thanks! So nice to share? Sorry baby, I'm doing it for the money. Matrimony to alimony? Just PM me, coz I don't get paid unless you get paid!!!

                  The World according to Psycho

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Glossie
                    Yep, am a sucker for pain. Don't you wish sometimes you don't have a memory bank? Ahhh.. it's really a lousy feeling, man!

                    No more phones! Did you get any as a gift?

                    Hey Xiao Jing!!!

                    Memory bank? Damned, I still remember what she wore when we bought those cutlery!!! White blouse, black cardigan, black pants, blackFerragamo shoes, black Prada haversack, long black hair clipped with a black lacquer clip . That Prada was told to be removed by the security guard at Harrod's. Probably black bra and panty but I didn't check. Gawd, she was dressed for my funeral!!!

                    With a memory like that, I wonder why I repeated my PSLE 3 times.

                    Gift? Hell no, I'm saving marney to buy a wife in Vietnam. They get cheaper when you choose one who snores like a cow, farts like a man, and shaves a beard in the morning....

                    The World according to Psycho

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      u guys are funny!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Scene at a certain obscure funeral.

                        "Here lies Uncle Psycho. Contrary to popular belief, he actually had a mother and a father......"

                        The World according to Psycho

                        p/s sorry Glossie, that was below the belt. I'm a little bit drunk with my dear friends Mr Chivas and Ms Regal. Freaking kids at the swimming pool driving me crazy. Now where's Michael Jackson when I need him most??

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Dear ALL,

                          Back to the serious business of divorce. I know most of you here are not probably even old enough to get married let alone divorce.

                          In any case, dear ol' uncle is here in case any uncle or auntie of yours need help.

                          Good news is I'm cheap too!!!

                          The World according to Psycho

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Uncle_Psycho
                            Good news is I'm cheap too!!!
                            uncle psycho, thanks for the offer...
                            just wondering how old are u?
                            Last edited by Glossie; 14-01-2005, 02:10 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Older than you...

                              The World according to Psycho

                              p/s was at a conference last week in Amsterdam. Met this Taiwanese chick, realised she was born in 1981, the year I lost my virginity. Which means, she could have been my......
                              Last edited by Glossie; 14-01-2005, 02:10 PM.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X