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  • Fallen for close pal

    Hav known this guy for over 6 yrs.....were uni mates and hav kept in contact for all this time regardless which part of the earth we are.

    Recently felt I might hav fallen for him without realising so....was having dinner with a gal pal when he called my mobile.....talked for 10 mins or so....when I put down the phone, gal pal asked if it's my new bf, said it was not. Gal pal sworn she thought it was. This started the crazy thought could I have fallen for this guy.

    Through these years, both of us hav shared the ups & downs in our careers and love lives, he comforted me when I was really depressed about my health problem....In short, it can be said we know every single skeleton in each other's closet. Probably due to the fact we are very at ease with each other, we hav become each other's sounding board in life.

    Feel scary cause I don't want anything or any feeling to change the friendship we hav..... this is not the first time someone said there maybe something between us....hav heard such comments during uni years & through all these years....

    Just want to get this off my chest as don't want to mention to any of my friends cause it will make me more confuse....

    Sorry for the ranting.....

  • #2
    hmmm i didnt think there is an issue with it
    being comfortable with the opposite sex
    i have a few guy friends whom i am comfortable and basically we know each other's deepest secrets

    i say go with ur heart dearie
    the thing is being comfortable doesnt mean u might have feelings for this person
    having someone saying that there is something going on, doesnt mean that there is something going on

    i suggest lying low and not let it bother u too much

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    • #3
      Natnatviv, thanks for sharing

      I'm so worried partially due to the fact I really treasure the friendship we've hav.....can't afford to let my own confusion throw everything in a mess.

      Well, guess a lot of it stem from the fact all my gal pals wish I will settle down soon......they believe the pic is never complete without a guy, so my single status & usual nonchalent attitude towards their matchmaking antics didn't go down well with them.

      Will take your advice and lie low.

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      • #4
        I think it's perfectly normal to fall for your long-time friend because both of you started with a really clean slate and have understood each other really well without the initial intentions of starting a relationship. I suggest if you feel that the liking is for real, let him know. If both of you are so comfortable with each other, even if you find that the feeling is not mutual, i'm sure you both will be able to remain as friends And if the feeling is mutual, you definitely will be glad you told him. After all, the best relationships really start off from platonic friendships

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        • #5
          hmm... actually only you can answer the question a to whether u have fallen for him.

          on anohter issue, i can never understand friends who are so 'despaerate' for their friends to be attached. when i just broke up with my ex, my friends kept wanting to set me up with guys!! it was so damn irritating

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          • #6
            lumos, we really gotta giv some credit for those friends who are so desperate to get people like me hitched....They are like energizer rabbits who don't take no for answers & will try everything to make sure u don't get left on the shelf.......

            Anyway, most of the time i just laugh at their hard work & desperate actions.....just this time is a bit too far cos it nearly involve a guy who's a great chum.....even though I hav to admit there's ambiguity in the friendship, I don't think either of us are ready to broach it. Hav gone through hell in my past relationships, am not metally prepared for another one yet.

            Am very pleased at least I get to air my rantings in cozycot & hav the support & advice of many .

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            • #7
              beck , have something to share too i sometimes get confused as to whether i have fallen for a guy friend if we get along well

              i suppose as long as you try to calm down and think rationally, you will be able to find your answer

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              • #8
                yeah i know abt those "energizer rabbits"
                i was single for a while and these little rabbits put their plans into actions straightaway
                oh well, i just told them if they are planning to help, be constructive and find someone rich and handsome
                i think i pretty much make them stop!

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                • #9
                  Actually, I'm not so sure about falling for a buddy.

                  I've always felt that the initial mutual attraction have to be in place for a lasting relationship to develop.

                  If the initial interest was not there, developing a relationship out of friendship maybe for all the wrong reasons, usually in the absence of better alternatives.

                  True there are plenty of examples out there to disprove my point.

                  Problem is once physical intimacy sets in and the relationship does not work, the original friendship is usually staked. Someone will always be too hurt to want to be friends.

                  Losing a friendship for the hope of a good relationship is not a risk I want to take. I rather be single and unattached than lose a pal.

                  True friendship may transcend a failed relationship, but the odds are stacked against it.

                  You may let a fool kiss you,
                  you may even kiss a fool.
                  But never never be fooled
                  by a kiss....

                  The World according to Psycho

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                  • #10
                    Must say, Uncle P I've got to agree with u.

                    Hav seen a lot of your wise sayings in this forum.....it takes one to go thro' a whole load of s**t to be able to dish out those wise sayings.

                    At the moment, am not doing any thing to mess up ??? friendship (this time I'm so level headed, must be my yoga lessons)......feel since I'm on the other side of 25 & hav gone through some c**p in my life, friendship & kinship are more important to me than anything else

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                    • #11
                      Yes Beckooky,

                      You're a smart girl. I spoke from an unfortunate experience. Bad enough for me to decide against me personally falling for a friend again. I have to qualify that it was my personal experience and it should not extrapolate to you nor anyone else.

                      I once had a friend, a mathematician with great looks too. She was undergoing a divorce and as you probably know, that is unfortunately my area of expertise.

                      She would come over my place every night and we would have teh tarik at the kopi tiam for hours. I cherished her friendship tremendously and at that time, I was serial dating like a horn dog. She virtually watched over my affairs like only a protective sister knows how.

                      One day, somehow we ended up intimate. The follow through was awful. There was simply no experiences of discovery and familiarity was a poor substitute in courtship. I began to view her from her ex-husband's eyes and she likewise from my ex-wife's. Boy, the picture is ugly.

                      Worse, we simply could not revert to being friends again. When feelings somehow got involved, it takes superhuman effort to surmount hurt.

                      I still think of her now and then, and really longed for those days of innocence, of pure unadulterated platonic friendship.

                      "I've seen fire, I've seen rain.
                      I've seen sunny days
                      which I thought would never end.
                      I've seen lonely times
                      when I could not find a friend.
                      But I'd always thought
                      I'd see you one more time
                      again" James Taylor

                      The World according to Psycho

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                      • #12
                        What can I say......one never stop learning & adding to experiences till the day he takes his last breath......

                        My favourite quote from Harry Potter basically sums it up (So what if they're kiddie books, I'm not ashame to say I really enjoyed them) : 'It's not our abilities or gifts which define who we are, but the choices we make'.......Some of us gotta go through a whole lot before becoming wiser......some got wiser through learning from other's experiences

                        That's the beauty of this forum.....
                        Last edited by beckooky; 02-02-2004, 09:41 PM.

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                        • #13
                          The feeling of losing your friendship bcos of that decision to go deeper into a relationship, and later to realise that it aint meant to be..... it really sucks big, esp when u lost a friend as a result.....

                          Whatever will be, will be........ beckooky, hope u have found yourself a solution to thiis trouble now

                          edited for sms English.
                          Last edited by atypical; 16-02-2004, 05:46 PM.

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