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  • Running on empty...

    Hi guys, I know the last thing you want right now is another depressing thread pondering the meaninglessness of life. Yeah, I'm prone to bouts of depression...I've been on this plateau stage of depression my entire life. My existence is free of extreme highs and lows...it has always been, just blah.

    Today is one of those days I'm feeling particularly under the weather. Come to think of it, nothing specific's getting me down. Maybe when I'm alone and bored, my mind starts to wander...and dreary stuff just pops to mind.

    Idealists claim that love is everything worth living for. Pragmatic folks know that money will buy them everything their heart desires. Even if you had all the love in the world and are lucky enough to have found someone to bestow you with that elusive thing called unconditional love, does that mean you're living for just and only love? Even if you had all the money in the world, everyone knows that money can't buy happiness. WHAT then am I living for? I know I'm looking for blacks and whites when this world is so suffused with shades of greys.

    Hubby often laments with a sigh, "Ren shen mei you yi yi." I couldn't agree with him more. Most couples would be too appalled to admit it, but we are not the be-all and end-all of each others' existence. Marguerite Duras sums up my current sentiment best, "Very early in my life it was much too late."

    Sorry if I've been drony and self-indulgent. If anyone feels the same way as I do, I would love to hear tales of your woeful existence...but frankly, I think I'm gonna be the only one who inputs on this thread becuz the subject is just too goddamn boring to warrant replies.
    Last edited by cate69; 09-04-2004, 08:23 PM.

  • #2
    Can I post if I can't emphathise?

    I have the impression that this is just a phase you're going through, right? Or do you constantly feel this way?
    Will you hate me if I rain on your depressing parade, or is this just something you need to do to move on to another phase?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by mango
      Can I post if I can't emphathise?

      I have the impression that this is just a phase you're going through, right? Or do you constantly feel this way?
      Will you hate me if I rain on your depressing parade, or is this just something you need to do to move on to another phase?
      Sure you can post if you can't empathise! I know many people can't.

      Nope, I won't hate you if you rained on my depressing parade. Heck, you can even try to clobber some sense into me if you want! Maybe that's what I need...some sense to be pounded into that thick skull of mine. You can do the honors.

      I dunno what I'm doing when I posted this thread...maybe I was ranting, maybe I was venting...I really dunno. Get this off my chest? How do you get off a dark cloud that always lingers above your head?

      Comment


      • #4
        hi Cate69

        I think most people will go through this also so no worries, you are not the only weird or abnormal one

        Probably you should try to add new life or colours into your daily routine. ie, help out as a volunteer... go to church...or pick up some new hobbies/ attend enrichment courses...simply get involved.

        Actually you are in this world not just as an accident but here as a purpose. (learn this in church)

        If i am not wrong, you are feeling hollow inside and had been tired doing stuffs just because everyone else is doing them too ie like working

        and you wonder just what 'Life' is all about. :huh:

        Dont Fret, keep thinking on a positive side.

        :bestwish

        Comment


        • #5
          hehe, whew! Didin't want to 'disturb' unsolicitedly

          I don't know you well enough to know why you have your own pet dark cloud; But rambling is not a bad thing- sometimes people just need to get things out to nobody in particular.

          I can tell you why I love life so much though- its the possibilities, the surprises (good or bad), how highly flexible it is, what you can do with it, and how great a variety of emotions one derives from it. Any of these ring a bell with you now?

          If you ask me what *I* live for, the above are what I live for, and I also live for my family, marriage, kid/s(that I'll have), good food, good movies, shopping trips, birthdays, xmas, new year, overseas trips, laughter, special moments, heart-to-heart conversations, nice clothes/bags/shoes, rainy nights, hugs, kisses, sex, and so that I know what I'll be like in 5, 10 and 15 year's time. Hmm...I find these pretty good reasons to live, do you?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by mango
            hehe, whew! Didin't want to 'disturb' unsolicitedly

            I don't know you well enough to know why you have your own pet dark cloud; But rambling is not a bad thing- sometimes people just need to get things out to nobody in particular.

            I can tell you why I love life so much though- its the possibilities, the surprises (good or bad), how highly flexible it is, what you can do with it, and how great a variety of emotions one derives from it. Any of these ring a bell with you now?

            If you ask me what *I* live for, the above are what I live for, and I also live for my family, marriage, kid/s(that I'll have), good food, good movies, shopping trips, birthdays, xmas, new year, overseas trips, laughter, special moments, heart-to-heart conversations, nice clothes/bags/shoes, rainy nights, hugs, kisses, sex, and so that I know what I'll be like in 5, 10 and 15 year's time. Hmm...I find these pretty good reasons to live, do you?
            My own pet dark cloud. I like how you put that.

            Your descriptions of life definitely ring a bell with me, but they are all such fleeting moments. Life sure springs its surprises on me, although usually nasty. Possibilities are limitless, people say...but for me, they're extremely limited (maybe it's Low Self-Esteem talking).

            Yeah sure, I have my days of good food, good movies, shopping trips, birthdays, xmas, new year, anniversaries, trips abroad, laughter, special moments, heart-to-heart conversations (usually conducted in the toilet in the midst of doing business ), nice clothes/bags/shoes, rainy nights, hugs, kisses, sex...but they are all part of the small picture that makes up life.

            They are worth living for, definitely, but are these all there is to life and all that we're living for? I dunno...forgive me, maybe I'm confused on top of being depressed.

            URGGHHH! I only know that at this very moment, the very thought of being hauled out of bed at 4+am in the godforsaken morning for work later makes me reeeeaaaalllly sick.

            Comment


            • #7
              cate when i was in singapore for 2 years working non-stop, i asked myself this question "what do i live for?" for money? or for survival? i was earning good money, learning a lot in my job, coping with my masters and yet i wasnt happy......
              friends looked at me and say "how could you not be happy?"
              yes i have a job, a bf who loves me and also everything i could ask for...

              then i realised i was just working for the sake of it, the stress of finishing my darn masters (i took a good 2.5 yrs to finish it off)
              and trying very hard to make enough so that i can go back to australia to be with my bf......
              at that time i was confused, stressed and depressed all the time... "yes life was meaningless" i was thinking to myself or "maybe i am too bored"

              i left my job, make plans to come back to aust and start anew...
              it was hard cos leaving sg was the hardest decision that i have to make...
              it wasnt so much as leaving sg but more of what is expected to come next...
              no job, no career and i have to start all over...

              today i am happier, and i realised those 2 years of somehow like a quarterlife crisis....
              there come to be a period of time where u feel lost...but i think keeping urself occupied and doing something different is the way to go...

              oh well now i learnt to cook, clean my house (yes my own) and being domestic
              i find that completing the simplest chore in the house is fulfilling cos thinking back, i was never able to do that....


              cate, i understand how u feel
              it might be another period of quarterlife crisis!
              life is full of surprises, perhaps doing the simplest thing might make u discover a few surprises

              Comment


              • #8
                I go through phases like these all the time.

                when i have no idea what my life is about. sometimes, you look back at your life and all the tasks you're struggling to complete, and suddenly, it hits you that they're all quite meaningless. and then you start to wonder why you're living in the first place and why you should wake up in the mornings and get going. life seems empty and a mere illusion that people keep up to please themselves. too few people actually sit down and wonder what their life is about and whether they're actually achieving anything.

                But I believe that what meaning your life has is what you give to it.

                your life is ultimately what you choose to make of it. if you choose to fill it with meaningless trivial tasks, then your life will become meaningless and trivial. if you choose to fill it with meaningful significant projects, then your life will become meaningful and significant.

                this is one of the main reasons why i want to go into teaching or at least the public sector. i cannot even begin to think of how my life would be like if my job just focused on making money or pushing paper around. don't get me wrong, i understand that some people derive great personal satisfaction and a sense of achievement from jobs like investment banking and accounting. But i don't. I need my job to be something that contributes to something bigger, that would make a difference.

                So do think of ways you can actively make your life meaningful.

                And when i'm most down, i try to take a look at the world around and marvel at how beautiful everything is, especially in Nature. things fall into place so neatly and it kinda gives one hope for the future. it does for me at least!

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'm pushing 30 yet so lost in the ways of existence. Sometimes I feel so morose that I can't even figure out how to better my life, whether for my own good or for the good of everyone else around me.

                  I had a fulfilling job that kept me from thinking all these stupid thoughts that cloud my mind and reasoning, but even that was lost no thanks to my stubborn inability to be the boss' doormat. Working in the corporate communications dept of the Institute of Mental Health (Woodbridge Hospital) was the one and only job that kept me (ironically) sane, level-headed and fulfilled. I know most people think that I was working for a lost cause, but the mentally ill are fellow humans beings too. Being able to assist in debunking the many myths surrounding mental illness and the hospital brought me much personal satisfaction (but that was unbeknownst to me back then). Not a day goes by I don't regret my rash decision to quit...too bad they're not employing right now.

                  In the meantime, I'm still adrift in the sea of (yes, I like that term!) quarterlife crisis.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quarterlife crisis

                    read this in another forum
                    much applied to me years ago

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by cate69

                      They are worth living for, definitely, but are these all there is to life and all that we're living for? I dunno...forgive me, maybe I'm confused on top of being depressed.

                      URGGHHH! I only know that at this very moment, the very thought of being hauled out of bed at 4+am in the godforsaken morning for work later makes me reeeeaaaalllly sick.
                      Hmm... What I mentioned are things worth living for, for me. And they are worth the while cause these are what I cherish in life and what that is important to me. So what is important to you? What do you need? That's probably what you live for.

                      How do you feel about your job? Considering the fact that you spend most of your waking life at work (a min of 5 days out of 7 day?), it should be something that makes you a happier person. Can you imagine if the job you're at is one that subtracts the quality of your life?

                      What makes you feel good?
                      What puts you in this depressing state?
                      I think if you can identify the answers for these two questions, all you need to do is to draw yourself to or away from the required to feel better? Would it work?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by mango
                        What makes you feel good?
                        What puts you in this depressing state?
                        I think if you can identify the answers for these two questions, all you need to do is to draw yourself to or away from the required to feel better? Would it work?
                        Music, movies, books and my husband.

                        Life in general. Very vague, I know.
                        Last edited by cate69; 09-04-2004, 08:26 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          What do you have that you really want?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by mango
                            What do you have that you really want?
                            Truthfully, nothing much except maybe my husband.

                            Life's generally one big humdrum.

                            I do have a nice new Lulu tote...does that count? I really wanted it.
                            Last edited by cate69; 09-04-2004, 07:44 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I questioned the existence of life too..to the point I even blamed my parents for bringing me into this world.

                              Things got pretty bad; and they finally dragged me off to see a psychatrist and psychologist. I went through like 5,6 of them and tried 5,6 different medications before I finally found the right combo.

                              I tried so hard initially to be happier by not working so hard, not bein a slave to money and trying to be happy generally. But I got even more depressed as it took so much effort to just be happy.
                              My parents finally decided that I need help. I was initially resistant to it but now I've to say the medication does help me somewhat.

                              Depression is not something that you can just snap out of it. Some people think that you can climb out of the pit yourself, you can choose to be happy or sad. But in actual fact, depressive people can't do that.
                              Don't be afraid to seek help or take medications. My thoughts are with you.

                              Comment

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