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  • R'ships - Cheaters?

    What would you do if you find that your hubby/bf is cheating on you?

  • #2
    NO idea...

    I think i would be at a loss.... devastated... heartbroken... disappointed...

    It's easier to say "Oh, I would dump him" now... & go on about the 101 things you could do to make his life miserable..

    BUT...

    Should it happen to me in reality..

    I doubt I would know what to do.... :bore:

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    • #3
      That is so true. In addition to feeling hurt and heartbroken, I am sure I will be really ANGRY as well.

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      • #4
        kill him! kidding

        i find that most girls here in SG automatically put the blame wholly on the guy

        i'm sure there's a lot more going on than simply "i'm too drunk" or "she means nothing"

        i will have to look at myself and see what have i done or have not done to make him resort to that

        let's say if i have been the supportive, undemanding, non-princessy, loyal and loving partner... i'll confront him. find out why he did what he did. was he unhappy with our marriage etc.

        whether we stay together or not after that will also depend on how many years we've been together, children, other commitments etc.

        of course it's easier said than done. i had one bf of 2 yrs - who wasn't so eligible in the first place - cheat on me and after i got concrete proof, dumped him. good riddance!

        you have to know what you want.

        if he's a really good catchand you two really love each other with future plans of something permanent, the relationship may be worth salvaging. sometimes people make mistakes.

        however if you've done everything you possibly can to make your relationship work and he doesn't appreciate you, this guy's not really into you is he? in this case, you can do better!
        Last edited by sharon; 27-12-2004, 04:30 PM.

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        • #5
          I totally agree with Sharon. Nothing else that I can think of to add on now.

          Btw Sharon your avatar had me burst out laughing! Too funny!

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          • #6
            For me, infidelity means only one thing: game over!
            Last edited by poochi; 27-12-2004, 06:14 PM.

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            • #7
              I never quite fancy people who run away from problems.

              So not surprisingly I cannot comprehen if he finds solace in another woman's arms instead of being man enough to face whatever problem straight in the face. And I mean any problem.

              :huh:

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              • #8
                Being the strong headed gal, i always assume that i would dump my bf if he ever betrayed me.

                But in reality, things really happen & i forgive (even though i never forget) and i love him back wholeheartedly again. Love is a hard thing to explain..it makes u do the unbelivable things.

                Sometimes, i also do not know if i did the right thing or not but well...maybe its fate.

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                • #9
                  Purplemoth>> Thanks for sharing. Did the incident put a strain in your relationship even though you say forgive him and love him wholeheartedly again?

                  And can you trust him the same again? Thanks.

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                  • #10
                    I just had a guy who was 'chasing' me do it. It was a drunken kiss.

                    When I found out, I exploded. Completely devastated (because it was so unexpected and I guessed it before he confessed). Was >>this<< close to killing him. The next day, lots of shouting matches with me railing at him. But he did a lot to make up for it and prove he's sorry.

                    I forgave him and decided to give us another chance. But... I have to admit something's lost. I was reluctant about starting another relationship already and him doing this really made me think. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him properly. I've given 'us' a month to see if I can... but i doubt I can.

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                    • #11
                      I recently went for my medical checkup and got a rather unexpected result for one of the tests.

                      In the end it turned out to be a false alarm but it did make me think a lot about this issue of trust between SO and I.

                      I decided that even if the worst happened, I'd most likely decide to leave the past behind and start anew, simply because I'd still love him despite his misgivings. It's probably the same reason why I've never really probed into his past relationship.

                      ... on the other hand, if he repeatedly cheats on me, I'd prob do what Sharon says -- do a long and hard soul search -- before leaving him.

                      :contemplative:

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                      • #12
                        firstly it will be really hard to come to terms that your partner is cheating on you but I realised most women will still forgive their man. I am not sure if I will as I am worried once they do it once, they will do it again. this is such a tricky issue.

                        I have close friends who chose to forgive and then have their men cheat on them again and those who didnt forgive was left wondering if things would be different if they had forgiven....sigh....so difficult isnt it...

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                        • #13
                          xue, . Give yourself time...

                          To me...happiness in a relationship hinges a lot on trust.

                          I was once very, very, very happy in a relationship because I had a lot of trust in him. I had no worries about him cheating, and I had absolute trust in whatever he did for me. My faith in him gave me strength to pursue other things in life (sports, school, interests) knowing he would always be there for me. We broke up for other reasons, but the relationship remains for me a very memorable one.

                          Fast forward a couple of years.

                          A second relationship saw me with a boyfriend who wanted a steady relationship but at the same time also wanted a swinging life as a bachelor. I left him shortly after.

                          Turns out I can't love someone I cannot trust.



                          As long as you cannot trust your guy, you can never be happy in that relationship, IMO.
                          Last edited by poochi; 28-12-2004, 01:55 AM.

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                          • #14
                            Tit for t.a.t. Cheat on him! Kidding.

                            I'll find out who the girl is. And then... I'll confront her and do something violent to her like grab her arms and swing her around. :roll: No, I'll probably have a really good talk with her.

                            And I'll talk to my bf to see if their stories match.

                            After that, I'll dump him. All the better eh? So he can be with that biatch.

                            IMO such guys are not worth keeping. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't want to risk trusting someone I thought I could trust again and then being disappointed all over again.

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                            • #15
                              Regina >> It's not easy, it still isn't. There's an obvious 'crack' in our relationship and i tend to get more paranoid then before. I know its very unhealthy for the r/s to go on in this way...call me silly but i really hope it will work out eventually.

                              He on the other hand, also try his very best to assure me. Everytime i throw a tantrum or try to beunreasonable..he will try his best to give in to me.

                              To forgive is easy but forget is impossible for me. I wish i can stop mentioning about the whole thing but my 'itchy mouth' fobids me for doing so. This sometimes add more strain to the r/s.

                              But ofcoz, i always tell myself...if such thing do happen again..i will never ever look back.

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