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  • Cohabitation

    Hiya ladies, I would just like to do a general poll here on cohabitation. I'm thinking of renting a pad with my SO to take our relationship one step further and at the same time, try out how life would be like living together 24/7. Just seeking the general opinions of everyone here...

    1. Do you cohabit/approve of cohabitation? Reason/s?

    2. If you have considered cohabiting before, but did not do so, what were your reason/s?

    3. Would your parents approve of it?

    4. What do you think is the society's general consensus towards cohabitation (local context)?

    Thanks for all views expressed!

  • #2
    my case, not so much of cohabitation but i usually goes over to my SO's place to stay over during the weekends. Some of my friends know and takes it normally, whilst some of my friends thinks its "cheap"? They put it across to me in a nicer way of cos, but somehow at times unknowingly when they talks about other gfs going over to bfs house to stay bla bla bla, they accidentally blurted out their true views and words in front of me. but i didnt really mind...it's different people's perception..And when you know where all your values stand, you dont really have to care about what people say....And i know they are not directly targetting at me, just stereotyping.

    1) But somehow for me, I think I will not shut this option off. Of cos there are pros and cons, which i havent think about them yet. It's just something which i might consider and weigh it 1st before deciding to go ahead with it.

    2) I never consider before at this juncture, cos there's no need for it and we are still quite young (21-22)

    3) My dad surely disapproves it. cos i've heard him talking about other people's matter before! but he does allow me to go over to my so's place during the weekends NOW (not in the first place).

    4) I've never talk to other people about this topic before and had never come across anyone making their views on it. Only my friends as i mentioned earlier on. Some of them thinks that it will reflect badly on the girl etc etc, creating bad impressions in front of the parents/relatives etc etc.

    Haha actually not much of a views here, am typing in a rush too. Hope to hear more views too!
    Last edited by cUp; 25-09-2005, 11:13 PM.

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    • #3
      creepcake: how old are you btw?

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      • #4
        I'm in my mid-20s Let's just say, many of my friends are already in the midst of planning their ROM/wedding dinners!

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        • #5
          Personally I have nothing against it. I ever rented an apartment with an ex in Perth while studying there for 2 years when I was 19. Quite a good experience I would say, though an ex.

          Learning about living habits and doing things together, and adapting each other's dirty habits

          For me, I am 26 this year, have been with current SO for 3 years, also of marriageable age. But never thought of 'trying out'. I prefer to let nature takes its course.

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          • #6
            When i went to OZ for half a year, i stayed with my ex. ANd things turned out to be really unpleasant. We broke up after tt. There were many factors involved. Like for eg, normally couples will tend to take each other for granted after being too close to each other. tt's how i feel. And u get to see the true habits of the other person. It was even worse when his mum came down to stay. She's a very particular lady and she was nitpicking on everything i did. She always think tt her son is the one doing all the chores but it wasnt the case. He's so darn lazy and obsessed with comp games and i always have to be the one picking things up after him. And his mum expects me to babysit him from doing all the chores to teaching him. I must say he's a real failure in life. Always failing all his mods and flaring up at me for his poor results. Anyway, it certainly leaves a bitter after taste after the experience. But im glad i get to see his true colors and leave him before things get worse. Now, im with a much better guy. I would say tt it might be good to stay in together to get to know each other better before deciding on whether the guy is really the one for you. IF you both can pass this test, im sure marriage life would be no prob as well.

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            • #7
              We are all different individuals and when livng together, the biggest challange is to learn to compromise and learn to accept our differences. It's never easy to live with anyone may it be parents, parents-in-law, maid, friends, relatives or even you own children.........etc etc

              Perhaps you can still "test" living with BF to take the relationship further, but you certainly cannot "test" becoming a mother.

              my

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              • #8
                I think it's a good idea and if I were still overseas I'd probably consider it. However, the general consensus here is that it's still taboo, so I wouldn't do it here. I think it's always better to try things out before you commit.

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                • #9
                  personally, i have no moral issues with cohabitation. as long as you do not alienate your families in doing so.

                  but, here is one practical issue to ponder over :

                  make sure the rent agreement you have with your landlord is flexible. my implusive gf rented a condo apartment with her then bf (of less than 6 months!); each paying 50-50. after 2 months, things turned sour and they declared the cohabitation test a failure and were ready to go their seperate ways. however, the lease contract was for a year. the landlord refused (as is his right) to terminate the contract and threatened to sue if they defaulted on any payments, neither my gf or the guy had the means to take over the full rent...in the end, luckily, they found another person willing to rent the place for the same amount and the landlord let them off.

                  i was lucky i didnt have to cohabitat-rent-a-place to test whether i can tolerate my hubby's face 24/7. he simply "moved in" to my parents' place...he stayed over one night and never left (until we got married and bought our own place that is).

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                  • #10
                    Heh... think the word "cohabiting" sounds a bit... Let's just say that I think living with ur SO, if the relationship is ready for it, is a good experience. I wouldn't do it unless both parties are ready to talk about marriage soon after. Living together indefinitely would cause problems and like what limme pointed out, it'd be easy to take each other for granted. Strongly believe in the old adage "why buy a cow when u can get the milk for free?" or something to that effect.

                    My parents would not approve but then again... they wouldn't stop me. Heh...

                    Our society is becoming increasingly tolerant but.... mention "cohabitation" and the reaction would generally be a negative one. That happened to me years ago... relationship didn't work out coz he was in a hurry to get married and i wasn't!! Didn't mind anyone's reaction to me coz I'm the "I do what I want" kinda person. Think it was difficult for my parents though... they didn't talk about our living arrangements unless they had to and even then, they only referred to my SO as my "roommate"...

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                    • #11
                      personally i'm ok with cohabitation. anyway the couple can always stay in separate rooms.. if you dont want to go too advanced.. yet. if u guys set the rules and abide by them.. it should be fine. actually, one night stands are already so common.. not to mention living with someone u really love.

                      i think it's ppl's freedom to live the kind of lifestyle they want. however i think our society cant really accept cohabitation that well yet. especially the older generation.. who likes to be nag, bad-mouthed right? unless both families are ok.. then good! if not.. i think i wont do it, dont want the families to be unhappy with me n my bf before we get married.. besides, if we cohabit, we'll be under heavy pressure to get married.. which i dont really like.

                      but yeah.. the good point of cohabitation is that the couple can try out how married life is going to be like.. the bills, rental, miscel fees.. how to spilt out the costs.. housework like cook, clean, wash.. who to do what.. then they'll realised it's not as easy as they think.. n will think twice about marriage.. hence lower rate of divorce cases.

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                      • #12
                        ITA with the decreased divorce rates. Sure, other things crop up after you're actually married, but the lifestyle is more or less stable when you live together, and an informed choice is always good. My bestie lives with her boyfriend, which I thought was a logical step in their relationship. They're so good together. In fact, she was really stressed because all they're doing is just renting a place together, separate rooms and all. I was just telling her whether she'd like to spend more than 10K a year on rent that she didn't have to pay, or to care about people who don't matter in her life at occasional social outings when she might have to reveal that they're living together. Makes more sense to keep the money in her wallet. To hell with people who butt their noses into things that are none of their business. I wouldn't live with someone I don't know very well to be honest. My bestie was already having the bf over for dinner and he helped with her housework even before they were living together. Time flies. Been a few years already.

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                        • #13
                          it'll be easier if this is overseas. Cos most of my friends move in with their bfs while studying in overseas. Personally i dont see it as a moral issue. I mean if you're a really chaste person, you can cohabit w/o doing anything right?? So let's not be so conservative. I happen to belong to those who like to do what i want and not care abt what others say. And yup, mum knew i was staying together at my ex's place and as usual, parents always like to act blur cos they would rather not face the truth. There was this gal who was really irritating though. She criticised so much about couples moving in to stay together and she ended up getting a bf, who's my current bf's rommie and guess what, she's been the one staying over EVERYDAY, causing so much inconvenience to my bf.

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                          • #14
                            Aphrael : Yeps, the rental cost is an important factor. But staying with my SO (in his house with parents) is not a consideration, mainly because of his parents. My relationship with his parents is fine, but somehow as he's the only child (and SON), I'm just afraid that when we have conflicts, living under one roof with the parents will be rather difficult. There was a period of time when I was overloaded with work and couldn't meet up much with him in the evenings... guess what his mother told him? "Is she seeing someone else?" Geeez. Talk about assuming the worst! I know this is a one-off incident, but it's enough to set off alarm bells in my head that if my SO and I quarrel, the mother will take sides (and no prizes for guessing whose side she'll take!). At the same time, we truly want to taste living independently on our own (no help from parents, no maid, have to share the household chores) so at least we'll be better prepared for married life in future. I admire your best friend for being able to live together with her bf - she'll definitely be able to put the rental money to good use in saving up for her wedding!
                            Last edited by creepcake; 26-09-2005, 02:26 PM.

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                            • #15
                              i find that this is not an issue with me.... in fact, i would encourage ppl to try it out...

                              BUT of course wit certain criterias..... mainly, workin couples will not have much time to spend together due to work constrains so sumtime living together will give them e alone time to update each other.... other option is jus spending the wkends over at each others place... it would also be great for sum quiet time alone after a hectic wk...

                              as what sum cotters said, it's gd to try out how married life is like but then again, either party might be too comfortable with that arrangement and forgo gettin married altogether....

                              but if you are ard 16 or 17 or even 18... i would not recommend this... sum times students or teenagers will get too carried away and when e r/s ends, they will not know how to handle it.... that is mainly what happens to unwanted pregnancies and abandon babies.... for that i do not agree... 2 person should know and be willing to handle the after effects of their lovey dovey....

                              i believe cohabiting had it's plus and minus points

                              for me, my parents will not hear of it... even now (i'm 22 still studyin) my mum will still warn me not to be too involved and that studies is first prioty... must finish my studying then do what i want after that...
                              Last edited by JustMint; 26-09-2005, 02:28 PM.

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