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  • Sexual Harassment at Work

    How do we girls handle office harassment? In Asian context, the victims usually kept quiet to avoid embarrassment. However, must we suffer in silence? This is what happened to me in office.

    There is guy (call him SW) who is new to my office. SW is in his mid thirties, married with 2 kids. I once took up his offer to drop me at the nearby MRT from office as it was raining heavily. He insisted to send me back home which was only 10 mins away. The next day, he started sending me emails offering to send me back anytime or anywhere. I replied my husband is fetching me hoping that he will pick up the hint. But he didn't.

    Subsequently, he started sending me emails (only attention to me) pictures of flower titled "Especially for you", then emailed me asking me out for dinner. When I was in pantry or photostating, he will trail after me and try to strike a conversation which I ignored. Whenever i walked pass him, i felt as I am being X-rayed and i don't dressed skimpily in office.

    His emails never stop. Though i tried in many ways through polite email reply to ward him off but to no avail. In one of his emails, he commented that I am looking more beautiful everyday end he might turn into a wolf and come after me. And when i told him to respect his wife and control his roving eyes. He replied "thank you for noticing my roving eyes". I was totally pissed!

    I told my office girls about him. When my senior confronted him, and he called me to apologise. I told him off he will be sued if this happened in US. He retorted "Just pay only what". I was totally shocked beyond words. He was not remorseful at all! He followed by emailing me about a free concert in Esplanade and he could get tickets if i was interested. I forwarded his email to some of my office colleagues and my supervisors, cc to him.

    And to my horror, I am not the only one victimised by him. Through pantry gossips, i found out that my admin clerk is being harassed at the same time as well.

    My lady office colleagues told me i should not have replied his emails and ignored him. My admin clerk chose to ignore him but i took my stand and told him i am not interested. However, to deaf ears. What is wrong with this guy?

    This whole saga is disturbing me. I am very disgusted and pissed!

    What should I do if he continues his harassment?

  • #2
    Its not true that he can only be sued if it happens States.
    Sexual harrassment is a very serious offence locally too.
    U can keep the emails as proof, or get a recorder and secretly record the times and dates he verbally harrassed u.
    Then when u have enough proof to fight a case against him, call the police and we'll see how arrogant he can remain.
    SUCH PEOPLE NEED TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON.

    *Hugs*

    Comment


    • #3
      Wow, I only read about cases in newspaper, I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. Angry and frustrated and nothing you can do about it since you have done everything you could!
      So the email was sent to your supervisors, they dont have any say on it? *Gosh* Why are some men like that? Imgaine my husband doing that in his office..I will faint...

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Smartcat
        In one of his emails, he commented that I am looking more beautiful everyday end he might turn into a wolf and come after me. And when i told him to respect his wife and control his roving eyes. He replied "thank you for noticing my roving eyes".
        This is quite clearly sexual harrassment.

        Please contact AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research- Singapore) because they'll be in a better position to advise you.

        Here's their link:
        http://www.aware.org.sg/main/

        and their contact page:
        http://www.aware.org.sg/main/contactus.shtml

        Comment


        • #5
          gather all the proof you have to teach him a lesson.I can't condone such disgusting behaviour anywhere. stand up for your right.

          Comment


          • #6
            Well, I hope that by embarrassing him through forwarding his mails. He should get the strong message. I spoke to my male boss regarding this. He suggested that my admin clerk and I should have a good word with SW regarding this. He felt that it would not be appropriate if he interfere now. However, he will intervene if SW continues to harass us.

            SW did reply me with a very vague email after i forwarded his email to my colleagues. Very bad english here. I could hardly understand. Here it goes

            " Okay. Got you message under CC. Will do my best if need to cater for the
            group. Relax a bit la. I felt a bit pai sey leow and somehow sense a bit of
            bad opinion about me coming from the message. But putting aside unclear
            message or signal which I could not comprehend, I should be able to face what was remain during my work here.

            Cheers! Have a nice day."



            After reading, I don't think he will dare try anything funny. Unlike my admin clerk who tolerate and suffer in silence, I prefer to whack back. I kept all his emails and is prepared to go all the way to my director. Why should i suffer in silence and tolerate such behaviour? I really pity his wife and his kids!

            Comment


            • #7
              I think u should tell your boss about his behaviour. Or tell ur husband about it. if u cant do anything about him, i think either ur boss or ur husband can.
              I also pity his wife and kids. dont know why this kind of man exist i the first place.
              Or rather u can also look up for the admin assistant and u two can think of solution for it. Or u two can report him together and let him lose his job!!

              Comment


              • #8
                hey, i'm glad u brought up the matter to ur seniors... i **** most girls will keep quiet if it happens to them...

                Comment


                • #9
                  ARgghhH...I can't stand this sort of men...Don't they get the hint after a while? How about some respect for us in the first place?! And poor you, isn't it difficult working in an environment like that? Honestly, SW should be fired. He's probably not contributing much if he's busy trying to pursue both of you AND handle his wife and kids. :roll:

                  Not work related but just a couple of days ago, this boy whom I met just twice, insisted on walking me home to my doorstep even though I told him not to... I told him i had a really strong relationship with my boyfriend too. And his reply was that then its time to change..hmph. I tried to get him to go back home but he insisted on sitting on my couch. Then he tried to grab me!! He put his arms around my waist and tried to kiss me and I was sooooo shocked because he didn't seem like such an aggressive boy. He came across as a sweet, polite gentleman who loves his family and cooks for them when he's got the chance. Argh. probably a ploy or something.

                  Anyway, I told him off and tried to push him away but he was really strong and just kept on coming. Idiot. In the end he left because my housemates started coming out of their rooms. So now I'm just afraid that I'll bump into him at Uni and I hope he doesn't insist on sending me home again!! I think I might just kick him.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Men of that category ought to be shot in the head!
                    Smartcat, do keep all evidence and bring them up to your boss and the cops. He needs to be punish.

                    I am hoping that the admin staff will work in hand in hand with you and get this fella fired.

                    Meanwhile, do let your hubby knows about what have happened. Do take good care of yourself babe.

                    Fuschiae, do be careful. That boy seems to have an ulterior motive. If you see him around again, just get a friend to walk with you.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      hey smartcat, are you and SW's superiors the same guy? I notice you reported to your sup but not his. Your boss may not want to interfere as he is not his staff? How about reporting to SW's boss. As high up as you can go. If your bosses are the same, then maybe your boss may not understand as he's a guy.

                      My previous company was an MNC with branches in some asian countries like Japan and Korea. During D&D, the korean boss actually sexually harassed (hugged and kissed and groped her chest) his female subordinate in front of all of us. She pushed him away but we can tell it's not the first time he's done that. She looked at the most irritated!?! Can't imagine if we had to live in such humiliation.

                      fushcia, you should be careful. this guy sounds like a wolf in sheep's clothing. if he dared to do that while your housemates are in the room, i can't imagine what he would have done if they were not around. better make sure he's not stalking you. and yes KICK HIM where it hurts!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        SW and me are from different department. In fact, I just found out some of friends also encountered such harassment at work and worst, from their immediately supervisor. Thankfully SW is not. Otherwise, I will suffer a mental breakdown!

                        Crystal. I can't imagine how the female surbordinate can tolerate such physical abuse. Maybe she really needs the job badly and just have to keep silence and grit through it. Physical abuse is the worst form of sexual harassment.

                        And, I am afraid there will be any repercussion for me if i blow up this issue. I am working in a Japanese MNC and not so sure whether my director will take this issue seriously. Once, my male manager hit my female senior on her head. she complained up the highest management yet the man was not punished. My director said sorry on his behalf.

                        Fuchsia - be careful yah. Never invite man up to your apartment alone. That's where date rape could happen. Don't put yourself at risk. Keep away from that creep!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          smartcat, i have worked in japanese firms before and in fact sexual harrassement is most prevalent.
                          however i was lucky cos i do have a considerate boss who goes around "protecting the females" from the lewd men

                          suggestion to u
                          print out all correspondence between u and the fellow.
                          write out a letter, stating your cause and demand an apology. -> directing to his superior
                          if it happens again, bring it to the relevant authorities (however i am not quite sure which one you can go to)
                          bring the issue to the attention of the wife too


                          some men never learn, and bcos there are no governing body protecting women's rights
                          in a lot of cases, such lewd men go scot free!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Oh my god, I cannot imagine if I were to ever work in this kinda company. I will faint! Why are some guys so jerk? They think they can do anything just cause they thought we women will suffer in silence? Not for me, I will scream at the top of my voice man. Poor wife and kids, imagine they know their daddy is this kinda guy.

                            Smartcat, maybe he had thought you were playing hard to catch, but I am sure, after the email which you forward to everyone, it will slap some sense into him that not every girls will suffer in silence.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I strongly second what natnatviv says, and I would add that you ought to bring your case to AWARE (Singapore -Association of Women for Action and Research).

                              Link:
                              http://www.aware.org.sg/main/

                              Contact page:
                              http://www.aware.org.sg/main/contactus.shtml

                              I think this is imperative..there is no point grumbling/complaining about it if no real action is taken.

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