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  • Adoption

    Just curious.

    Would you adopt a child if you are unable to conceive?
    Would you adopt a child even if you were able to conceive?

    What are your reasons behind your choices?

  • #2
    for me, i would consider adopting if i couldn't conceive. i think adoption is a scary process, but one that can be fulfilling too.

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    • #3
      Re: Adoption

      Originally posted by islande

      Would you adopt a child if you are unable to conceive?
      Would you adopt a child even if you were able to conceive?

      What are your reasons behind your choices?
      I don't think I'll adopt a child even if I can't conceive. I guess its not comparable because our child is made by us, and our blood literally runs in him/her. The experience began the minute I tested positive and it carries on all the way, every step along my pregnancy, and the joy of knowing that we created something so precious to us is not replacable, and its exclusive. No one else can create our baby. It would be different if the child is not our flesh and blood. Of course, to some parents, they wouldn't treat an adopted child any different (and I salute that) from theirs, But they'll never be able to experience how it really feels like to be pregnant with a baby that is made from them; And as far as possible, I will never trade this experience.

      And I definitely wouldn't adopt a child since I have my own, because I'm not sure I can treat them all equally. And if we have the ability to raise more children, we want them to be all truly ours.

      Having said all these, I have great admiration for couples who are selfless enough to adopt, especially if they already have their own children. I do believe that there are people who are capable of loving an adopted child no less than their own, and I respect that.

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      • #4
        Re: Adoption

        Originally posted by islande
        Just curious.

        Would you adopt a child if you are unable to conceive?
        Would you adopt a child even if you were able to conceive?

        What are your reasons behind your choices?
        Islande, my answer is yes to both of your questions. I would adopt because for me PERSONALLY there is no reason not to. Whatever the reason the baby was given up for, I respect the women for giving the child a chance of a better life. I think it takes alot for a woman to give up their baby. It's something that I never really thought of until I have my own kid now. I can't do it. It would kill me.

        SO and I will definately want to adopt when we are financially stable enough, are ready to deal with the significant lifestyle commitments that comes with it, and are ready to give a child the love and attention he/she deserves. In the end, I think adoption can be a very rewarding experience.

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        • #5
          If I really could not conceive , I would choose adoption but if I can conceive , I would not.
          Somehow to me, adoption is a way of making a family complete by adding a child into the family. The reason I feel this way is due to my aunt who adopted a child ten years ago when she could not conceive. She told me that she felt that she needed a child to complete the family and that her husband was okay with this idea too. Now that the child is ten , life has never been the same for her and her husband. They dote on her like crazy!

          Why I would not adopt a child if I could conceive is the experience of going through pregnancy and motherhood during the 9 months. I think its an enriching experience and the thought of a child in you and flowing through your veins is something pretty amazing. I guess when I study about pregnancy and conception in my field of study, it just makes it all even more awesome.

          Some people may also think of surrogate mothers as one of the other options if they could not conceive. Unfortunately, I have heard of many cases of surrogate mothers wanting to keep the child after it has been born and it is due to the bond which is shared between "mother" and child, this is something which is very hard to break.

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          • #6
            i don't think i will adopt even if i'm unable to conceive. cos' i don't think i can really treat the child as my own .. it's not your own flesh and blood in the first place ..

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            • #7
              i doubt i would, definitely not if i could have kids of my own. i don't believe that children are that integral to a 'family'. a marriage 'alone' would be fine.

              also, there's too much emotional baggage and problems. especially if the 'real' parents come looking for the kid or vice versa.

              but i really admire those couples who make the effort to give a child a new and better life. if i adopt, it won't be as 'my' child because it isn't. it'd only be to give someone the chance of leading a good life. but then it gets really messy...

              but whatever you do, NEVER adopt from a relative or someone you keep in contact with. ultimately, you'll just end up a temporary caretaker for the child. I've seen it happen so many times.

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              • #8
                In the future, I don't think I'd exclude adoption out of process if I had difficulties in concieving.

                Even though that child was not my own flesh and blood, I do believe that I'd have the capacity to love that child with all my heart and soul.

                I certainly have great respect for couples choosing to go down this path. There are far too many "unwanted" babies on this planet, and to me, the more people who are willing to adopt, the better. I do have great respect for them.

                Off the top of my head, I can think of Angelina Jolie. I read that she didn't want to go through the process of pregnancy but still wanted children; so now she has an adorable little boy from Cambodia. She really does appear to dote on him like crazy

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by stilafaux

                  Somehow to me, adoption is a way of making a family complete by adding a child into the family.
                  Just curious
                  So you believe that a child completes a family? If so, how so?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by mango
                    Just curious
                    So you believe that a child completes a family? If so, how so?
                    I personally feel that with a child in the family, both parents know that they are together not only for love but also for someone which "belongs" to them and they have a role to play in bringing the child up.
                    It also helps to cultivate better communication between both parents.
                    This was what happened to my aunt and her husband also

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I'll adopt only if me & hubby are financially stable enough to provide the child with a reasonably comfortable life if I cannot conceive.

                      If I can conceive, adopting a child will depends on "fate", as in if I come across an unique adoption case.

                      I feel that the love (attention) is really not enough to spread among all the children (live example fm my sis, with 2 kids, both her husband & her are feeling so guilty about not spreading the love & attention evenly.)

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                      • #12
                        If we can't conceive/ genetically can't conceive a healthy baby, we would adopt. I think surprisingly even my MIL is open to that. I had mentioned if both hubby and I were major or something thalessemia carriers then the baby would likely be seriously stricken (likely to die young)... and we had not tested before our union, so she was like, if that's the case, can always adopt. Or so she claims.

                        Did you know some adoptive mothers who have never experienced pregnancy, can actually breastfeed the adoptive baby when it arrives? Quite miraculous. I do believe that though experiencing pregnancy is special and all that, that adoptive parents aren't completely left out of the loop either

                        I won't consider adoption if we can have our own kids because well, since we can, we'd just create our little own monsters in our likeness instead. Easier to forgive the little brat!

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                        • #13
                          i'd adopt. i can conceive but i'll adopt

                          firstly, i think this world's not good enough for me to bring another being into it

                          why adopt? i can give a better home and lots of love to an already existing soul

                          however i don't think i ever can HE doesn't want another person's baby. men

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Sharon
                            however i don't think i ever can HE doesn't want another person's baby. men
                            my hubby got the same kind of mentality too......... he said he won't raise other's baby other then his own fresh & blood. He
                            would rather pour all his TLC to our dog!
                            For me,personally i would not adopt a baby also even i couldn't conceive.. i always believe that a so called 'complete family' can do without a baby too.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Sharon
                              i'd adopt. i can conceive but i'll adopt

                              firstly, i think this world's not good enough for me to bring another being into it

                              why adopt? i can give a better home and lots of love to an already existing soul
                              I totallu feel the same way.

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