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  • Life after baby

    Thought I'll start a thread for mummies to rant/rave/ramble/think out loud about motherhood.

    For me, my confinement's just over, and I'm learning how to cope alone with baby when hubby is at work. Really tiring, but I'm kinda impressed with myself for how much I can juggle alone My baby was unwell sometime ago and during that period, I carried her everywhere and nursed her as often as she wants (which is like every half hr to 40 min around the clock!). I just realised that she got used to that, and now she wants to be carried/rocked and nurse ALL the time, which means I cant even put her down for couple of min to pee or make myself a quick lunch. I'm trying to correct that, hope the situation improves soon. Quite tired and stressed for the time being- but things will definitely pick up soon, I'm just waiting for baby's schedule to be a little more routine. And when she is a little older, maybe I'll start bringing her out on weekdays if I'm confident enough.

    Thank goodness for a very supportive and participative hubby who has been doing everything he possibly can for me. He knows how tired I am and even tried to convince me that he can wake up to do nightfeeds (ebm) so that I can rest properly; But of course I know he needs to work and has no chance to rest in the day, so I still try to do nightfeeds.

    For new mummies, how are you coping? Who is helping you out? How has your experience been?

    For mummies-already-for-a-while, did you ever had to cope with baby alone with no help? Any tips on managing alone?

  • #2
    Mango, for your young age, I always admire you for your willingness and desire to do all you can for your baby and on your own.

    Really, being prepared for motherhood has helped me alot cos though we cannot fully anticipate the extend of work, time, energy involved we are at least mentally prepared which helps alot.

    What I do is try to treasure every moment (no matter how tough some days are) as I know this phase will pass very soon and one day we will look back and wish it was longer (ha, am I crazy?).

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    • #3
      mango, I can empathise with you. I have been a SAHM for more than 4 yrs. I have been thru all that you've mentioned. It's definitelly not easy looking after babies/children. What's more we are talking abt 365 days a yr without holidays,annual leaves etc.
      Unless your baby really needs your urgent attention, learn to let go. Letting her/him cries a little is ok. As for meals, you can consider home delivery service if you don't have the time to cook. first six mths are always difficult,there are a lot of adjustment to be made both for you & the baby. things will defintely get better when your child is older. hang in there!

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      • #4
        Originally posted by naughtygirl

        What I do is try to treasure every moment (no matter how tough some days are) as I know this phase will pass very soon and one day we will look back and wish it was longer (ha, am I crazy?).
        Haha...that is what my friends told me- that babies grow up in no time and soon I'll wish that they're little and totally dependent on me again. No doubt there are frustrating moment, but when I look at my baby's innocent face and see her staring so trustingly back at me, I know that one day I'll miss her at this stage. So I'm trying to enjoy this phase as much as I can so that one day when I look back, I'll be glad that I did.

        Tanya, who is helping you out now? BTW, I saw the pics you posted in your online journal, your baby really looks like you!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by bebelatte

          Unless your baby really needs your urgent attention, learn to let go. Letting her/him cries a little is ok.
          This is what I'm trying to learn, a friend said the same thing to me yesterday. Only then I realised that from birth till now, she's never really cried much, cause at every single sign of a whimper, I'll pick her up immed to soothe/comfort/rock/cradle/feed/change/pat her But now that I'm coping all alone, its really unavoidable.

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          • #6
            Well, I am still in confinement so many things are done by the confinement lady. When she's not busy doing other things, she will offer to look after the baby for me for 1-2 hours so that I can catch up on some sleep, which I really need.

            We still live with the in-laws so MIL has been taking care of most of the chores so I just have to look after the baby.

            Hubby has been extremely helpful and caring, especially during the night. As I am eping, he is able to help me with night feedings. I only let him help me once every night as he has to work during the day and I want him to sleep as much as he can. He can't always wake up as he's a very deep sleeper (unlike me, I wake up even when baby is making a slight noise). However, whenever I nudge him to wake up for his turn to feed baby, he never complains. I wouldn't be able to cope if he hadn't been so helpful and understanding.

            Before I became a mother, I never really thought that looking after a baby would be so difficult and tiring. I expected the sleep deprivation so was prepared for it. The most difficult time was when my baby was unwell (still a bit unwell). We did everything we could to make her comfy but sometimes she'd still be crying and crying, which was really frustrating. It also hurt us to see her suffer. Fortunately, she's feeling better now and can sleep better compared to before.

            Anyway, I have to go back to work for another month after my confinement. After that, I will be a SAHM, don't know for how long but I plan to only go back to work after baby is one year old.

            Like Tanya said, I am learning to treasure every moment, good or bad because I know babies grow really fast and one day, they wouldn't need us that much anymore. One day I'll miss this phase - her being a newborn/infant

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            • #7
              you gals are fantastic, i can never cope being alone with my newborn at home, i'd go nuts. i had my mum and my maid to help.

              i used to bring her out shopping on my own though, for about 2-3 hours, that's the best that i could do.

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              • #8
                Mango, I'm also looking after baby mostly on my own after my confinement. I've taken extra months no-pay leave to do this. We only have a part time maid which comes in once a week to do cleaning.

                It IS VERY tiring at days especially during the fussier days. At times, I feel quite down staying at home the whole day. When hubby and I do go out, I always cross my fingers baby doesn't cry. Of course she does and either I latch her on for a while to comfort her or we take turns to carry her and walk her around (this is usually during meal outings). When my mom does come down for a short stay, she helps with the carrying. Just having someone to help carry the baby to soothe her really makes a big difference Not to mention easing back pains!

                I think exclusively bf also adds to the strain. Well, they always say "A mother's love knows no bounds"

                Any of you faced a bit of depression at some points? I've gotten blue moments since I literally have no life apart from baby-caring. I guess it's also adjusting, since there are so many changes we need to make.

                When baby smiles at me, it all seems worth while though

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                • #9
                  I agree that looking after baby alone can be quite tough at times. I didn't have a confinement maid and both MIL and mom had to work, so I cared for my little one on my own. My girl is 14 months now, and I often look back in wonder at how fast time flies and how I've managed to survived .

                  I do get overwhelmed sometimes, especially on her fussier days. But I find that it helps to remind myself that all these are only temporary, and she'll grow up before I know it. So I treasure every moment with her and take things one step at a time, one day at a time.

                  It also helps to bear in mind...

                  1) Babies aren't as fragile as we expect or thought them to be.

                  2) Expect surprises - Babies are never 'predictable'. Whenever I thought I have mine figured out, she'd throw some surprises my way , which brings us to the next point...

                  3) Flexibility - Routine is good (babies need that), but always keep an open mind and allow plenty of room for last minute surprises and changes. Keeping this in mind helps prevents frustrations & disappointments.

                  4) All babies are different - Good to remember especially when friends/relatives give you well-meaning advices or when 'comparing' developmental milestones.

                  5) Follow you instincts and listen to your baby's cues (even if well-meaning friends or relatives tell you otherwise) - No one knows your baby better than you do.

                  6) Take it easy! - Situations no matter how difficult or trying often aren't as bad as they look and will soon come to pass.

                  7) Take good care of yourself and keep yourself happy. Your baby can sense your moods. Your baby will be happy when you are

                  I know they seem pretty commonsensical, but keeping them in mind have helped me through some very trying times when my girl was sick, fussy etc and I was sleep-deprived, feeling blue or very worried/anxious about whether I was doing things right .


                  What I do is try to treasure every moment (no matter how tough some days are) as I know this phase will pass very soon and one day we will look back and wish it was longer (ha, am I crazy?).
                  No no, naughtygirl, you're not crazy. At 14 months now, I already miss the days when she was a newborn...so much sometimes, I think of having another one just to 'remember' what it felt like. (Just kidding!) .

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                  • #10
                    Hi all,

                    Wow I'm really impressed with how all you mummies are coping especially the ones doing it on their own. Someone told me carrying baby in your womb and deliverying is the easy part. Now that I'm looking after him, I realise how true it is.

                    I'm really lucky 'cos my MIL and mom stay very close to us. So Mom and MIL come on alternate days to help me while I get much needed sleep. My hubby <God bless him> helps everyway he can, he's a teacher so sometimes he comes back earlier to help out. I get him to bathe Jayden because its hurting my back. As it is sometimes I feel quite overwhelmed when he's crying and I don't know how to get him to stop. I'm trying not to pamper him too much (this causes some arguments with hubby) by not picking him up all the time but he cries so miserably at times even though I know for certain he isn't uncomfortable. <sigh>

                    I also find that with mom and MIL they have differing views about how to handle baby and its hard to be consistent. I'm very grateful and all but sometimes can't help feeling frustrated. Anyone living with MIL feel the same?

                    But all in all when I see Jayden smile and laugh everything is forgotten.

                    BTW I'm blessed to have gotten the thrid month maternity leave and am taking another month no paid. I dread going back to work.

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                    • #11
                      I couldn't have said it better than Iveleen. Iveleen mama, you're right on!

                      I've been a SAHM for the last 8mths. Hubby has been nothing but supportive and very hands-on dad, so that's great . No maid but I have a cleaning lady comes in once a week. Sometimes when I need time alone or going out with my friends, my mum or mil or look after her. But I think I had it easy though, she is a fairly easy baby to take care of.

                      I do want to get back in the work force sometime in the future, maybe in a year or two. I wouldn't know I'll survive if I had to be working mum or no dosmetic help. So big to all the working mums out there. It's really not easy at all.

                      Abit OT here: I am already missing the Mila when she was a newborn. Just thinking about how small she was then (as compared to now), how amazing it is that this precious angel actually came from me. I miss the times when she would fall asleep in my arms or on daddy's chest, or just lying on the bed in between me and hubby. I am actually tearing as I am typing. lol but true.

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                      • #12
                        yes... I can't understand how most mothers here feel.

                        I don't have a maid, neither I have my mom or my MIL here. Both are oversea.
                        Mom did help me up during my 1st confinement. Like many new mothers I did get anxious over almost anything concerning the 1st baby, may be because I was inexperience... but what I didn't realise was all my mood, feelings then (anxiety, depression may be etc .etc) could also be due to postpartum thyroiditis which I was later diagnosed with.
                        4 months after the baby was born (c-sec) I underwent thyroid surgery. That was 2 surgeries within a year...

                        So new mothers.... do take care of yourselves well, learn to relax more. If hubby can help up, let him do so... he can always replace his regular lunch break with a shorter one plus a nap...
                        Last edited by GG; 26-10-2004, 10:59 PM.

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                        • #13
                          I used to manage everything by myself.. no maid, in laws or even cleaning lady when i had my son1. It was tough.. there were days where i will cry and cry when baby's super naughty but there were also days when he was really a darling..

                          Still need to do cooking, house cleaning 3 times a week and look after baby. Life was really a routine then.. Had post natal depression for almost 8 months! Hubby was still in that 'phase', don't know how to become a daddy, so imagine the burden i had! However, thank god for the weekly Sat night date with hb alone for dinner, movies, supper, beach walking etc.. else i would have become one crazy woman!

                          Life is much much better now, with a helper, 2 sons and a hubby who has become a good daddy! Definitely enjoying my life to the fullest now..

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                          • #14
                            Just to add : my PND was so severe at one point that i actually 'nearly' committed suicide in front of hb by wanting to jump down from our house which is at 23rd storey! Was only 22 then.. can't imagine what will happen to us if hb didn't hold me back.. but all efforts were not wasted though coz after that, life was a bliss!

                            Having a good and supportive hb who also a great daddy really is very important but then again, practise makes perfect for lousy daddies such as my hb to begin with!

                            Guess motherhood really have lotsa ups and downs.. Lesson learnt is that at the end of a stormy weather, there will always be a sun shining down..

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by cherie


                              Guess motherhood really have lotsa ups and downs.. Lesson learnt is that at the end of a stormy weather, there will always be a sun shining down..

                              Exactly! During very trying days when I am seriously on the verge of going crazy when everything seems to go wrong and baby is fussing for reasons I cant figure out, its easy to think that life will be miserable forever- But hubby always remind me that its only temporary and life will get better; And indeed it will and these days, everyday is slightly better than the previous as I get more used to this new lifestyle.

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