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Is it necessary to visit (Bai4 Nian2) your SO's parents?

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  • Is it necessary to visit (Bai4 Nian2) your SO's parents?

    As above? Is it necessary? :roll:

    Together with him for close to 1 year... this is the first CNY we are together...

    I heard that it is necessary to go his house pai nian if not the parents will think i got no manners or something like that! After what i heard, i decided to go... but he dun want me to go his house pai nian, even though i express my thoughts...

    Now I am so so sad

  • #2
    why not?
    i see it as a casual visit... just bring some tokens of gifts to them

    if this is your first visit, probably seem a bit abrupt to the parents?
    i think usually on cny, parents are generally nice

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    • #3
      do go visit them. Did yr SO tell u his reason for 'not allowing' u to do so?

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      • #4
        Yeah, if its your first visit, your SO may not be prepared. If not, I dont see why u cant pay his folks a visit.

        On the other hand, even if you never see his folks before, this is a great time to see and "pai nian" . After all CNY is a joyous and happy thing!

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        • #5
          He just say... "No need to visit ***"

          In fact, i went once during mooncake festive... and i brought a box of mooncake for them. When i called "auntie" to his mum, his mum nv even acknowledge... then i asked my SO to pass his mum the mooncake...

          A friend(married in middle-age) told me that, since the mum already know we are together, it is a must for me to pay his mum a visit... dun care whether the mum like me or not, i have to do my part...

          The problem now is with my SO not wanting me to go... i dunno what to do now! So lost...

          Maybe i can inisit on going... but afterall, i feel really un-invited. I mean no one invited me over, even SO dun want...

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          • #6
            If your SO says no, I wouldn't bother. Keeping up appearances are so tiring. Personally I hate going round to pay CNY visits. Kind of a pointless exercise to me. If you kick up a fuss just so you get to go with your SO, it seems a bit try hard. You can't very well just go alone. Looking at how it was from your description during mid-autumn, I just don't think they're big on formalities. It's your SO's decision, and if it comes up in future, know that your conscience is clear. You have to draw the line somewhere. My advice is that you call the parents and chat a bit - my non-Chinese friends do that during Christmas, especially when they don't want to visit.

            BTW, it's Bai4 Nian2. Not Pai Nian.

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            • #7
              Okok... Bai nian ar... not pai nian

              I totally agree with what you said, Aphreal...

              To be frank, ever since that incident, i told myself that i will never want to go to his house again... But on second thought, i really do not want his parents to have bad impression on me and thus, i told my SO that i wanna go.

              If i go, i can imagine myself seeing his mum's attitude problem, yet trying to put on my best image, sigh...

              May as well dun go...

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              • #8
                IMO, i guess your SO has his reasons for not wanting you to go.

                Mb his family is not ready yet. Its ok gal.
                MB next year he'll bring you

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                • #9
                  Agree with demi! Don't rush things, if he says no, take it as you're lucky you don't have to go! hee hee

                  Eh esther, what are u still doing online??

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                  • #10
                    OT Rach...got ur sms last night

                    me leaving later tonight

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                    • #11
                      Ah! I've just returned from his place.

                      I didn't go for the first 3 years we were together cause he didn't ask so I assumed it wasn't time yet to go.

                      Maybe next year he'll ask you. No point forcing it, and it'll be even worse if you turn up unannounced - both him and his parents will probably not know how to react.

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                      • #12
                        think we didnt go each other's house the first year we were together. did so subsequently though.

                        it was pretty stressful at first but now i find it getting easier. helps that his parents are quite ok and usually they run off to their room while SO and me watch tv in the living room. think its worse for him when he comes over cos my parents are very traditional and chinese

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                        • #13
                          i'm now at my SO house, supposedly for steamboat. but i ate at my relative house before i came over.. to me, it's just another casual visit. just that you get 'ang-bao'.. but then i've been with my bf nearly 2 yrs.

                          he might have his reason for not inviting you over. let him know of what you're thinking, ok dear?

                          hope everything goes well at the end of the day.

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                          • #14
                            personally i think it's out of simple politeness/courtesy to go visit SO's parents... but if SO thinks otherwise, he may be the wiser one (with regards to situation at home) and it might be good to listen to him. but i would be very curious as to what's his reason for not wanting you to go over would be... however, if he is reluctant to tell, my advice would be to just let it go and don't think too much about it.

                            maybe you can buy some cookies and have your SO pass to his parents? i suppose if this relationship that you're into is going towards the "serious" path, it's good to create good impressions first...

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                            • #15
                              i'm with SO for the 4th year running this june. and i've been like visiting his family on cny and some weekends.

                              imo, i think the decision of whether visiting his family is dependent on the individual. for your case dear, i think maybe your SO thinks his family is not prepared for it yet? don't rush things!

                              ask him for the reason why he doesn't want you to go over. if you really feel uncomfortable with the idea of going over with no one welcoming you, i second what bo-peep said: buy some goodies and get your SO to pass it to his parents. good luck dear!

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