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  • Violent S/O?

    What would you do if you were my gf? Her new bf of 2 months beaten her up during a quarrel last night. Her eyes are covered with bruises now. She made a police report but police said she is at the losing end if she file a charge against him because during the fight, she held a scissor for self defence, but the man claimed she wanted to attack him.

    This man is definitely a jerk, cos we know this is not the first time he beat a woman. Let him off so easily??? What do u all think? :piss: Have u met such jerks or heard of it before?
    Last edited by jemay; 16-11-2003, 02:45 AM.

  • #2
    if i'm the girl, either i break up clean away from him or put hidden camera(s) in my house, record down all his violence. :piss: this guy needs to be taught a lesson or two

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    • #3
      Oh dear!!! What a jerk! I feel so sorry for your friend. At a time like this, your friend will really need your support and love. She should definitely dump this loser! A guy who will hit a girl, has serious issues and doesn't deserve any mercy. No matter the situation, hitting your gf is wrong!! I had a gf who was stuck in an abusive relationship. I can't begin to describe how ugly things can get and the pain caused. It is very unhealthy and i strongly believe your friend will do good to leave him.

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      • #4
        One of my best friends had a very unhealthy relationship with her ex. He beats her, verbally abuses her and makes her feel stupid, but she claims that she loves him and kept going back to him. This went on for a couple of years, but something happened and they parted, though my friend did not want that! In retrospeck, I feel that she was disadvantaged psychologically...I hope your friend is not like mine. I felt like I was never getting through to her...she was beaten badly sometimes and even the doc could not convince her to report him to the police.

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        • #5
          Oh dear, jemay thats sad to hear. I hope your friend will move out of him soon.

          My cousin suffered for 2 years with a jerk. He keep telling her she is fat and pinches her till she turn blue black in her arms that she got to wear long sleeve out. Sigh.

          And not to mention, he even tell her she is not worth anything etc. :piss: What a jerk.

          Sometimes its not easy to walk out of this kind of relationship as my cousin pointed out to me as most of the time the girl is too blindly in love with him and thought it was her fault that make him mad or angry with her and that she deserved to be slapped.

          I was like so mad at my cousin that if so let me slap you awake from this jerk. But I am glad that she has finally mustered the courage to say bye bye to him and finally leading her life better.

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          • #6
            oh my gosh! Only 2 mths and he's already so violent? I think she should go on and sue him for damages...Is this the first time he's shown violence? If it isn't, then she can get friends to testify her past experiences. these men are real bastards! I think all girls should learn to stand up for themselves and not be too agreeable or else we'll appear to be pushovers and guys may take advantage of that. If anyone dares to even yell at me, not to say hit me, I'll make him suffer a fate 20 times worse!

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            • #7
              Ugh.... yah boy, he's got issues.

              Dump him and dump him faster than she can say Goodbye!

              Poor girl.. She needs your support now.
              Did she tell the police she's using he scissors as self defense?

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              • #8
                I HATE MEN WHO BEAT WOMAN! Can your friend leave this guy? This is very important as I've seen women suffer in silence because they can't leave the guy and that gives the guy a chance to continue to abuse the girl. This man is a #)$%&(%&#($&. If I'm her, I wont let him off. Must sue him until his pants drop. The police aren't that helpful huh? But your friend has bruises to show right? Must make sure your friend is never alone with him. At least if anything happen there is a witness. )%($%&*#$(%*#@$)%*@#$)% that man!

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                • #9
                  perhaps she can consult a lawyer? i think they're better than the police.... and ya i cant stand such abusers... its terrible. How can anyone with the right conscience beat up someone close to him, let alone a woman... perhaps these ppl have such a history of violence, or even a family generation of wife-beaters.. or theyre very jealous ppl... guess its hard to tell in the start of knowing someone. But I heard that u can tell from the little things like how the guy reacts in anger or jealousy...and how he treats his family. the important thing is that women must always be careful when getting into a relationship.. otherwise, when theyre too deep in, they'll think that they can change the man... when actually that will only hurt themselves more..

                  oh well.
                  hope your friend can settle this matter.... dont worry, at least she made the right move by consulting the police. think theres some hotline or centre for abused women? they may be more sympathetic and have more info on what to do and how to deal with this....

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                  • #10
                    This is really sad to hear. I'd suggest:

                    1. Give her the support she needs.

                    2. Persuade her to leave him immediately.

                    3. Consult a reputable lawyer, or call a social services number (sorry, can't rem. any no. off-hand), or ask any relatives or friends who has dealt with this before.

                    4. Learn more about how to protect herself: Get a friend to be with her more often, make sure she knows a good, dependable neighbour in case she needs any help as fast as possible, etc.

                    I hope it works out fine!

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                    • #11
                      I have a friend who is voilent to his wife too, he is such a coward that he dares not admit what he did to her whenever I'm trying to confront him about it. I agree with the others that your friend should leave this guy as soon as possible, but at the same time, would he want to let her off so easily? She has to handle it carefully, for example announce it to him on the phone or at a crowded place with accompany of some friends.

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                      • #12
                        I guess this should be the end of their r/s.

                        All of your comments are right..... But is it worth spending a fortune to get justice done??? I was thinking of some women association thingy too... not sure if something can be done....

                        I knew this guy wasnt in his right sense of mind from the beginning. Yes, he is those super jealous type, and feel insecure about everything. He minds gf talking/meeting about their ex, and forever asking if she will leave him one day out of a sudden.... they have quarrelled dozen of times within 2 months, and this is the first time he used his fist on her. From what i know, this isnt the first time he wack his gfs. His ex, even ex ex gf, also got it from him.... but why didnt anyone take action on him??? He punched my gf continously,smoothly, like an expert and not feeling remorseful about it at all, thinking he is right.

                        Guess we just have to beware on these type of BASTXXD

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                        • #13
                          ya...lawyers and court cases require MONEY and TIME and a lot of energy and cause a lot of emotional and physical fatigue. not worth it, IMHO.

                          hopefully, she can leave him easily.. meaning he wont look for her and make trouble for her or hit her again.. and the blessing now is that they've only been tog for 2 months... at least it'll be easier for her to leave a 2mth r/s. then a 2 year one...

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                          • #14
                            i would advise your gf to get a medical report detailing her injuries immediately. all girls who have suffered abuse should do this, even if you're not considering pressing charges. this ensures you have a certified record of the abuse.

                            if she's reluctant to spend the money, consulting one of the many women's associations could be a good alternative. i believe that it wouldn't cost her anything if she was just reporting a crime and pressing charges? afterall, it is a crime by law for a person to hit someone else. i think it's only for civil cases that you need a lawyer?

                            this is all just me guessing though!

                            ultimately, the best thing is for your gf to leave him NOW and ensure word gets out about what a bastard he is.

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                            • #15
                              I think you are a very kind friend, Jemay to be concerned for your friend.

                              It is sad, I have doen research in this field, but when a man beats a woman, it's very unlikely he can stop and become a better person without some sort of intervention (esp. therapy). It's also hard, b/c the woman in the relationship usually has a soft heart, or thinks she is the one who can somehow help reform this man. Or the man is just very manipulative and can make her feel guilty... just the fact that he is able to turn her story of self-defense to his own purposes is a terrible indication that he is manipulative.

                              Unfortunately, many women do not get out... until it is too late. My heart goes out to her. When you are young, and have so many hopes, and idealistic ideas, she wants to do what she can to help. But this is one case in which safety supercedes it all. If he has hit other women, he is almost 99% sure not to stop with her. And all I can say is to be there for her, but to try to get her to see the truth. It's harder for someone inside the relationship to see it objectively... do you think there is a book for her to read about this trend?

                              I am so sorry. I wish you and her well. In the US, this is a very serious issue. I have seen it happen, and it's very hard to console and counsel a person in this situation, esp. if she loves him very much.

                              Edited to add: I don't think she should pursue charges right now, just try her best to get away from him and break off the relationship safely. She does need to get medical personnel to document her injuries, and also the police report, just in case he is evil enough to turn around and charge her... some men are that manipulative and will make it hard for a woman to leave him. That way she at least has the medical and police evidence, just in case she ever needs it.
                              Last edited by koneko; 17-11-2003, 03:13 AM.

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