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Can you accept if your bf has an ex wife?

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  • Can you accept if your bf has an ex wife?

    Would you be able to accept it? and not get affected? :x

  • #2
    Some how it you will always be affected..but the main thing is that the BF treasure you now

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    • #3
      Originally posted by debz View Post
      Would you be able to accept it? and not get affected? :x
      Marriage is just a legal title to me, significance of marriage has diminished over the years. Anyway since you have not written any background story on your post, I suppose you have accepted or you are in the midst of accepting him, just that the fact that he has an ex-wife is making you unsettled.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by debz View Post
        Would you be able to accept it? and not get affected? :x
        Easier to say than done, somehow if it really happen to me, I will feel a little tingling feeling in my heart, as long as he treats me well, it can be overcome easily.

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        • #5
          Guess most of people would avoid that situation since without ex stuffs already might expect some troubles or difficulties as its a life. With exxxxx it might add another reason to make uncomfortable situation. Well, it also could be defendant on what kind of status about your feeling and other factors. So it could be very subjective topic but generally would avoid it.

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          • #6
            yeh, i accepted that's why he's my bf haha.. just that he's still very affected by the entire thing (wedding was just 2.5 years ago) n yes although i am very curious, i don't mention or ask anything unless he brings it up (just a mention of the word "ex wife" or something related to his prev marriage n he gets noticeably upset, eyes get watery etc)..

            Plus, lately i stumbled upon his wedding pictures so everything tgt suddenly got me wondering if he's not over the entire incident or not over her :x

            i know he treasures me and treats me very very well... really want it to be tt it's cos he wants to not cos he doesn't want history to repeat
            Last edited by debz; 29-10-2012, 08:26 AM.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by debz View Post
              yeh, i accepted that's why he's my bf haha.. just that he's still very affected by the entire thing (wedding was just 2.5 years ago) n yes although i am very curious, i don't mention or ask anything unless he brings it up (just a mention of the word "ex wife" or something related to his prev marriage n he gets noticeably upset, eyes get watery etc)..

              Plus, lately i stumbled upon his wedding pictures so everything tgt suddenly got me wondering if he's not over the entire incident or not over her :x

              i know he treasures me and treats me very very well... really want it to be tt it's cos he wants to not cos he doesn't want history to repeat
              Although I have not been in such a situation before ,but, here are my 2 cents. Be sensitive towards his feeling, just as how much you would want him to do so to you. History will only repeat itself if he allows it to happen again and never learn from his lesson, now is the time to move on with you, and I hereby wish you all the best together with him.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by debz View Post
                Would you be able to accept it? and not get affected? :x
                Maybe.... and ONLY if he is upfront right from the beginning of the relationship. That would be the defining point of acceptance.

                But most of the divorced guys cases I know of, the guy usually have no intention to settle down again because the agony and hassle of the divorce procedure was too much to bear, some even need to continue paying alimony. Some has to continue parental responsibilities such as visiting the kids a couple of times a month. The last thing they need to deal with is another major commitment with a new woman.

                The crux of the question is then... can you accept this post-divorced decision and arrangement of his ?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Borgen-breeze View Post
                  Maybe.... and ONLY if he is upfront right from the beginning of the relationship. That would be the defining point of acceptance.

                  But most of the divorced guys cases I know of, the guy usually have no intention to settle down again because the agony and hassle of the divorce procedure was too much to bear, some even need to continue paying alimony. Some has to continue parental responsibilities such as visiting the kids a couple of times a month. The last thing they need to deal with is another major commitment with a new woman.

                  The crux of the question is then... can you accept this post-divorced decision and arrangement of his ?
                  yup, he was, didn't try to hide it annulled and no kids.. haha..

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by pommiepommie View Post
                    Although I have not been in such a situation before ,but, here are my 2 cents. Be sensitive towards his feeling, just as how much you would want him to do so to you. History will only repeat itself if he allows it to happen again and never learn from his lesson, now is the time to move on with you, and I hereby wish you all the best together with him.
                    thanks! yup, i never raise or broach the issue.. whenever he feels like or is ready to talk more abt it, i'll be all ears!

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                    • #11
                      I used to think that it will somehow affect me. But everyone has their past and perhaps it was a mistake to get married to her in the first place. Everyone makes mistake, so I have learn to accept it. Some months back I met a guy who was divorced with two kids staying with him now, we get along really well and I started to fall in love with him, but now that he has a girlfriend, I kept my feelings in my heart. Maybe one day when they are no longer together then I will confess to him. At this present moment, I don't want to break them up.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by debz View Post
                        thanks! yup, i never raise or broach the issue.. whenever he feels like or is ready to talk more abt it, i'll be all ears!
                        But what if YOU need to talk about it? If you are not at all affected and can totally accept his situation without any questions... then why even start this thread ? You are obviously curious and want to know more !

                        The fact that you need to ask this on a forum means there's something bothering you isn't it ? All the watery eyes and tears at the mention of his ex-wife ?

                        Other than considering his feelings... You have to also ask yourself when will he ever be ready to tell you more. (should you want to know more.. and perhaps you do if not you wouldn't have started this thread on the forum in the first place )

                        Although people who had a divorced are sensitive souls, fragile, vulnerable etc.... but they also have a responsibility towards their next partner. To reassure them that it's all in the past. If anything, they need to work harder at that then the non-divorced person !

                        Just because they are divorced doesn't make them a victim in all relationships thereafter. They need to bear responsibility for the next partner they are with. If they can't, then they are not ready to move on which makes it unfair to the next partner.

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                        • #13
                          I can accept it. Sometimes things happened to make them a better person as they have been through much .

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by KarenXie View Post
                            I can accept it. Sometimes things happened to make them a better person as they have been through much .
                            Only if you are lucky enough to appear at the right timing of the divorced person's life stage - ie. he/she has manage to let go and totally ready to start a new chapter without baggage from the past still tugging along. Any timing before this "ready stage" is usually a disaster. You will either end up as the rebound partner or as the nurse/counselor/psychiatrist licking up the injured wounds.

                            Sure, there may be the exceptional cases where it ends up happily ever after. But personally, I just think having a relationship with a divorced person is just too much hard work. There are too many factors, variables and timing issues to consider. I'll probably exhaust myself before even the relationship gets an opportunity to kick off. I'll be lying if I say that I'm not going to get affected by his previous COMMITTED marriage.

                            But that's me.

                            No offense to the divorced people out there but I'm just laying out all the foreseeable issues. I don't know if it exist here but in other countries, there are socialising groups for divorced people and I think that's a good idea because I feel only someone who has been through a divorce can thoroughly understand what another divorced person is going through - emotionally and mentally. I just think for someone who has not been through a divorce to be with another divorced person, it will ALWAYS be the non-divorced person who will be "giving way" and "giving in" all the time because the divorced partner has "unsettled issues" to resolve. Hence my "victim card" theory.

                            And likewise, it is difficult for the divorced person to thoroughly understand what the other un-divorced partner has to endure and go through !

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                            • #15
                              And what if he has kids, you may have to love his kids too. Treat them as they are your very own kids, love them with all your heart. Of course it's possible if you have the kindest heart in the world. Kids are innocent, they are still young and it's hard for them to understand a lot of things going on. Being with a man who is divorced may not be that easy.

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