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I'm not sure what to do. Fly over or not to fly over...

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  • I'm not sure what to do. Fly over or not to fly over...

    I met this tour guide when i went to USA in June. He is a Taiwanese but an American citizen. He is 14 years older than me.

    I know he like me during the trip and i have the same liking for him. However during the trip we actually kept things very simple and sweet. We never told each other we like each other. We just kept the feelings to ourselves. Perhaps it's partly because my parents was with me.

    After the tour ends, we kept in contact. It's not until a week after the tour ends then i asked if he like me. His reply was "Sorry been busy with group earlier, so I late to reply to u till now, I know what u trying to say , Im not scare not at all, actually u r very special girl foe me bc ur personality , which is nice for me very nice , actually is perfect for me .. But I don't even dare to think we can be any possible to next step like closer partner . Maybe I concern my age .."

    We kept in contact for around a month. I know age is something that he is concerned about. Our last conversation ends on the 9th of August. He deleted his watsapp on his phone. When i sms him, he wouldn't reply.

    I don't know if i should fly over to join his tour next year to find out his concern. Actually i'm at a lost. Most friends told me to give up. But my heart tells me he is the one that i have been looking for. When i chat with him, i feel very comfortable. In fact i feel the security that guys actually give a girl when they are in love. Before i met him, i used to reject guys older than me by 10 years or more. But after i met him, everything changed.

    I know he is a really very good guy. Being a tour guide he is really very successful in his company. A lot of good reviews about him being professional at work. My heart just can't let go of it.

    The love i felt from him, during the trip. Just a eye contact. During the tour he never used any sweet talk like how any guy would when they wan to flirt with girls. He is just being himself during the trip.

    I know age is a barrier for him and distance is also a barrier for us. But i really feel like trying out but at the same time i'm very scare he would do something that hurt us both if i were to go join his tour again.

    I'm really at a lost. I really felt he is the one that i can spend the rest of my lifetime with. And this r/s is really something that i didn't expect it to happen. He is someone i really cherish a lot. Also my family seems to like him a lot. Because my dad talks about him at times.

  • #2
    since Aug till now no contact and you want to just fly over?

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    • #3
      Yup. Because i feel that he deserve to know me more and better without my parents around this time round.

      In fact he is good tour guide at work.

      Yesterday night i had a chat with my dad. My dad still dunno that i like him and he like me. But my dad really likes him a lot i can tell. I have never seen my dad praising a guy this way before. He was telling me, being a tour guide he have seen all kinds of people around the world and so when he really like that someone he must have actually find her attractive and suitable for him.

      What my dad said is not wrong.

      I wanna fly over is also because i know with him around i'm always worry free, stress free.

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      • #4
        so you wanna plan it like surprise?

        what if you are the one who gets the surprise in the end...... you know.....

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        • #5
          i've ever thought about that before.

          Which is actually the reason why i'm like thinking to go or not to go. But i believe i have to make myself stay, which is not easy. I had been trying very hard not to be too hopeful but my heart says in the opposite direction.

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          • #6
            i've ever thought about that before.

            Which is actually the reason why i'm like thinking to go or not to go. But i believe i have to make myself stay, which is not easy. I had been trying very hard not to be too hopeful but my heart says in the opposite direction.

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            • #7
              You are not going to like my response but I still feel the urge to let you know that this is all pretty much futile and fantasy in your head.

              From your post, I get the feeling that you are very young and you haven't had too many relationships before. (Or perhaps none?) and it's easy to start fantasying and imaging the first few great guys that comes along are the best thing that happened since slice bread. Nothing wrong with that. It's just a passing stage that most girls experience at some point in their life.

              I know he like me during the trip and i have the same liking for him.
              Liking is the easy part. Maintaining and developing the relationship is the tough one. Distance-wise, you've pretty much hit the wall. Long distance relationship is crap and tough. And it's not as if you knew each other in Singapore. You barely understand each other ! How much do you know about someone over a couple of weeks of holiday ? (With your parents around that you don't even get any private time together!)

              But I don't even dare to think we can be any possible to next step like closer partner . Maybe I concern my age .."
              He KNOWS the big age difference is an issue. If the guy tells you it's not going to work out, it is likely that it is not going to work out. Take the hint. He is not scared, shy or timid. This is a hint. Take it.

              He deleted his watsapp on his phone. When i sms him, he wouldn't reply.
              A guy who is INTERESTED in pursuing a relationship with another girl will never let go of any opportunity. Again - it's another hint.

              I don't know if i should fly over to join his tour next year to find out his concern.
              NO ! Why should YOU be flying over to find out his concern ? Why isn't he coming over to check you out ? Why isn't he concerned ?

              Actually i'm at a lost. Most friends told me to give up.
              There is nothing to give up because nothing has really started !?!?!?

              But my heart tells me he is the one that i have been looking for. When i chat with him, i feel very comfortable. In fact i feel the security that guys actually give a girl when they are in love. Before i met him, i used to reject guys older than me by 10 years or more. But after i met him, everything changed.

              I know he is a really very good guy. Being a tour guide he is really very successful in his company. A lot of good reviews about him being professional at work. My heart just can't let go of it.
              You do not really like him per se. You are liking the idea of what could possibility be your dream guy. In another word, it's called a crush or an infatuation ! You did not even get the time to know him... how could you like him *that much* !

              The love i felt from him, during the trip. Just a eye contact. During the tour he never used any sweet talk like how any guy would when they wan to flirt with girls. He is just being himself during the trip.
              Love is developed over a long period of time not over a holiday trip ! Love is about compromising, accepting flaws, sacrificing, going through crisis together and comes up even stronger ! Have either of you done any of it ?

              I know age is a barrier for him and distance is also a barrier for us. But i really feel like trying out but at the same time i'm very scare he would do something that hurt us both if i were to go join his tour again.
              You answered your own doubts ! Age and distance is a HUGE barrier to this relationship. It's a double whamy ! But then, maybe we all need to get hurt sometime just to prove to ourselves that we really did make a mistake before we can move on ?

              I'm really at a lost. I really felt he is the one that i can spend the rest of my lifetime with. And this r/s is really something that i didn't expect it to happen. He is someone i really cherish a lot. Also my family seems to like him a lot. Because my dad talks about him at times.
              There are plenty of other fishes around. From what I'm reading, this fish is too much effort and will produce too little result ! Not a great deal for you at all.

              I'm really intrigued.. you kept saying as if you and your family know this guy very well ! I'm assuming he is just a tour guide that you come across on a holiday trip ?!?!? And if that's the case, how can you cherish someone whom you didn't even spend enough time with ?

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks for your advice Borgen-breeze.

                Actually i got my answer yesterday by him. Of course i actually lose him as a friend as a result of my action. But aleast i got an answer and surprisingly i realised i'm not that sad afterall...

                Actually i feel that i'm just using him as an excuse to fly over to USA, just because i like the life style there and of course all the national park. He just made the whole trip much more wonderful i guess. Of course i know people dun believe such a perfect tour guide exist. When you get to join his tour you will know it one day. Because everyone who went for his tour gave him very good comments and reviews.

                If i'm given a chance in future i will still join his tour once again but maybe this time round i will go with my friend or boyfriend or husband. But of course i will not hold onto a hope.

                I maybe young but i have some experience though not a lot. I know some people dun believe in long distance relationship but my sister and brother in law made it possible. But of course everyone experience different things in life.

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                • #9
                  It's very obvious that your "feelings" for him are due to his US citizenship and you just desire to live in the US.

                  I don't blame you. Singapore is not a real country and is lame compared to states.

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                  • #10
                    It's very obvious that your "feelings" for him are due to his US citizenship and you just desire to live in the US.
                    I agree.


                    I don't blame you. Singapore is not a real country and is lame compared to states.
                    Disagree - where do you even get that idea ? Have you lived in the states before ? What is it about Singapore that isn't real ?

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                    • #11
                      I studied and lived in the states for 5 years.

                      Anyone who has lived overseas, like all my friends who did, all agree that Singapore isn't a real country. You would too, if you have ever lived outside of Singapore.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by bigfatjonathan View Post
                        I studied and lived in the states for 5 years.

                        Anyone who has lived overseas, like all my friends who did, all agree that Singapore isn't a real country. You would too, if you have ever lived outside of Singapore.
                        Speaking as someone who has lived, worked and studied abroad for more than 10 years.. I'm disappointed by your incomplete and out of context definition.

                        If having no public healthcare facilities, imposing corrupted and unethical financial system that failed the rest of the world AND attacking weaker nations whenever they see pleased are your kind of a "country". Then... you could be right !

                        Fortunately, Singapore doesn't strive to be any of those.

                        Also, only 20-30% of Americans owns a passport. I hope you are not actually mingling with the other 70-80% when you were there !

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