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  • Hurrying to get married?

    i questioned my bf yesterday night. He sort of wants to marry next year (we were writing out the names of people to invite for wedding dinner) - we have been going out since early 2002. But one of his reasons is that I am already 30 & should hurry to marry to have children - incase it gets dangerous for me.

    He said he can take his time - will not affect much for men to marry later 'sperm health' wise. BUt i agree with his point - if he cares for me truely - he will take all these things into consideration too.

    But i dont know what to think - just wonder what you might think if your bf told you that.

    He is loving & a careful planner & thinker. He knows that statement will not make me change my mind about marrying him but its probable that I might delay it furthur. He wants to marry early as we miss each other like crazy even within these over 2 yrs of going out. He is one yr my senior.

    I am like trying to delay it as we have not enough savings - not enough to my satisfaction that is - i want to be able to afford to but clothes for my parents, flowergirl, page boy, nice gifts for my bride's maid - venue & restaurant doesnt matter so much to me. Perhaps its just me - I am not ready mentally. But i am happy to marry him. its such pre-marital gitters...

    & i got 14 kgs to lose preferabily & if i get pregnant within 1st yr of marriage gosh my poor body -- Elephant - slim bride - Ballon! all within 2 over years...

  • #2
    i am about to hit 30 in a couple of yrs' time and marriage has been on the plate since last yr...
    we have been going out, been thru thick and thin for 5 yrs plus already

    bf told me yes we will get married when we hit 30 and this somehow scared me

    to be frank, we bought a house together and am paying off bills and mortgages and another thing to pay, ie wedding dinner and stuff seems unrealistic...

    we are both the eldest and apparently having a simple wedding is OUT of the question....


    money is always an issue i think, it depends on how u make the best out of it

    the only thing we can do is to pay off the mortgage asap and probably save as much as we can, probably less holidays and spending less on luxuries

    it will be difficult but i hope at least 2 years from now....
    we are all done with ROM, wedding dinner and honeymoon which we can comfortably afford

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    • #3
      Oh i totally agree I am also the eldest & he is too & his father is the eldest too. from the past - when my bf's sister got married - they had a pretty tough time with the grandmother too - she is my future MIL's MIL. one that fits the "MIL from Hell" kind. Poor auntie suffered so long under her.

      Totally stressed about kids in a way too - they family has been kind & dont pressure me necesssarily to have a boy but i somehow will find myself responsible to carry on the name. arrgh. in this modern world I still have this worry. My mum was saying I should be able to as I do have a brother.

      As for honeymoon - I will be doing this only after 2-3 mths after the wedding. - recoup some losses or save more money 1st.

      & to save on the ROM - i am trying to do it all in one day with the customary - the wedding dinner can be another day - less tiring as my friends experienced. Or if its impossible to meet dates - i will recycle my tea ceremony dress for the ROM - was thinking of doing my own makeup for ROM & my cotter friends are saying i should not.

      I am glad for a forum like this - when a poor girl can massage her spinning head back to sanity.

      perhaps its media & the warning 30 yrs old that makes people just mentally more worried.

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      • #4
        actually i never felt better than i was when i was in my early 20s!

        there are so much more to life and i probably appreciate things more......

        yes biological clock is a concern for babies and the worry of having to care for kids when u are old still bothers me
        however i think ahem to quote mr forrest grump "life is like a box of chocs", so why worry so much abt it?

        embrace what is going to come!


        p/s: my parents dont mind if i have go on a honey moon wedding!

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        • #5
          OH that's a good thing. Wedding dinners are usually just for the parents in this modern times to give them face - perhaps just a simple dinner at the restaurant of just your immediate family. - My friend did this - she wore just a work shift dress - no makeup & simple lunch at the restaurant of about 3-4 tables - her future sis-in-law looked prettier & more dressed up!.

          But its her nature to be simple & plain - she & her hubby likes it that way.

          Another friend of mine too is looking at a honey moon wedding - then a bigger E-ring haha However they also need to get a house too. Earning to pay for a house is so much a different thing.

          my bf & I are not getting a house as he is paying for his family's home already - & some major repairs need to be done. I might have to look at some minor repairs & a fresh coat of paint for my home too so that my parents will feel better about 'exposing' the house to so many people.

          My maid was just dismissed too (2 yrs contract up & we did not renew) as my dad's retired now & part of the reason we cannot afford to keep her & main reason my dad cannot get along with her. I will be a mad duck packing the house especially when my in-laws come over formally to ask for my hand. - Will have to sign a truce with my brother to help - so tha tduring his wedding - i will also go help pack house for him. We were never neat people as both my parents work & the men dont do alot of housework & i just do my own laundry & iron my own clothes with the ocassional sneak into my basket - my family will see me ironing & sneak in one or 2 pcs of theirs too & sweetly say "help me iron ok' which is fine with me.


          :preggie: :preggie:

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          • #6
            hi vit, one of the reason my husband "force" me to marry him is also because he is worry if i get pregnant over 30 will be risky and he don't want that to happen to me even thou i quote him afew examples of my friends being pregnant at the age of 30~35.

            anyway i give in in the end...think of it this way he is eager to marry you right!

            and if you are worry about financial...well $$ is always not enough so set a target together else you will never save enough for your wedding i mean we do have alot of dreams for our wedding but try to be alittle bit realistic yet fulfilling your dreams at the same time ok.

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            • #7
              If he's planning to settle down with you, why not just get marry early? I also wish to be a young mother. Most of us are educated and we should know why its best to give birth at a younger age. So with all those 'special deals' for young mothers, I see no reasons why you shouldnt get marry as early as possible and get a child asap too Its not where you dont like to have kids, want to have private times with yr future husband before you are prepared to have kids.
              Last edited by VinLongo; 19-10-2004, 11:55 PM.

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              • #8
                I am not young! am already 30. he is worried about that. my health & the risks of 'old age' births!

                Yes i went to the bridal studio on Saturday. 5 kgs to lose at least! that's not so bad ballon small ballon then ballon again with little balloon in the ballon.

                I plan to have at least 3 kids & hopefully 1 yr between both as my friends - born same yr - brothers - elder brother looks so much better than the younger one (skin, looks, facial features too!) - elder one stole all the nutrients! I dont want to deprive my children of that.

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                • #9
                  Hahaha .. mine is a joke I guess ..

                  Just my 2 cents worth ..

                  Have been ROM for about 2 years now ... my SO is 5 yrs my senior ... both of us agreed not to hold the dinner untill 2007 or 2008 ...

                  However, plans are not always what you want them to be .. one of my gram pass away recently and there came the pressure from both side of the family (SO and I still got 1 granny each left... ) to hold the wedding .. so our grannies could drink the tea..

                  I am fine .. but SO kinda of dont want to rush into it ... even though I set the date to be mid of 2006 ...

                  this is part of the reason .. why I am so depress these days ...

                  I feel gulity ... I know its silly ... about my gram passing away and not able to see me married off...

                  : ( But in my case, I cant drag the groom to the altar right?

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                  • #10
                    oh do take precaution - my friend did that & never really had her wedding dinner - the child came between. SHe was so mad as she could not take wedding pictures which she scheduled for later nearer the wedding dinner.

                    They already got the house & were staying together already after they ROM.

                    I would feel cheated abit as a bride & having the fun & dressing up for photoshoots & the ceremony & stuff if it happened to me.

                    My colleague pointed out to me 50,000 babies wanted next year by govt (newspapers) & egged me to meet it. I spat at her immediately saying "You know i am getting married in December so i have to be 8.5 months pregnant for my wedding & to reach that target. She's so brainless sometimes i feel. Made her eat her words by - " i wont do such a thing *** as i still have my parents (both sides) to cared for... you are also a parent- you dont want to be shamed like that also right?"

                    She shut up for the rest of the day.

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                    • #11
                      Hee hee.. I think you're worrying too much. Just relax and stay contented that your man loves you so much.

                      My SO and I can't wait to settle down too.. in about 2 yrs plus time. Have been talking about it.. saving up too.. but for us, we'll just have a plain simple church wedding & hopefully on our wedding nite, we'll be on the plane heading for our honeymood. Don't want a wedding dinner - too much of a hassle & think the money's not worth it.. invite so many people, hi here hi there, end up so tired and spend so much! My mom kinda disagreed at first but I insisted. Haha.. But we'll be saving up mostly for our home... I'm aiming for a 4-room..and it's at least $20K! *aarrgh*

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                      • #12
                        I just came back from a holiday with my parents, I think my dad's really aged alot. the engima he is but i find that i still love him dearly. I found myself carrying the heavy bags up to a 2nd floor hotel - it was a villa style & our rooms were on the 2nd floor of 2 storey buildings. I could not bear to see him struggle with the big bag & my mum too had problems.

                        We walked so much on Sunday as we only had one day in that city, i was so sleepy & wanted to sleep but conscience pricked me - that my dad's knees were hurting from 2 days ago from the long tour we had, I went to massage his legs (usually it takes about 30 mins for a proper massage) even though i much needed sleep & rest. I envisioned that he could be badly set back in health by this toll.

                        From this holiday i learnt that i love him so much & want to let him see his grand children before his time is up. Also he is rather more of a home person, having grand children might force him to exercise more when he plays with my kids. He is rather lazy & will not want to exercise so much.

                        I talked to my SO & actually contemplated bringing my marriage date 3 mths ahead to bid to start reproduction sooner. Its still on the drawing boards.

                        <><>
                        about 1 yr ago, an old friend visited my family - someone we knew about 15-20 yrs ago. I saw my dad walk up happily to shake his hand but my memory went back to 15-20 yrs back & i suddenly realised that how old my dad has grown. My eyes swelled up with tears.

                        I wish I had concentrated on my carreer as well as finding a good SO earlier. Well its now better late than never.

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                        • #13
                          I am glad I found this forum cos most of the posters seem to be really down-to-earth, honest and "real" people, or rather those I have seen posting in this section of the forum.

                          And you're are lucky that your guys want to "force" you to get married, imagine if you were the girls who want to be, but the guys dont want, then worse right?

                          Of course, you girls just want an outlet to vent your frustrations, so I also understand

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                          • #14
                            heehee...
                            i am 24 this year...
                            i hope that i can faster get married....
                            i want to live with my bf and take care of each other..
                            but still have to save more $$$...
                            we already decided to ROM next year and wait for 1-2 years for wedding dinner ...

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                            • #15
                              Its possible to marry 1st if you can live with his parents for 1 yr while you wait & save more for your own house - it will be better than renting too.

                              BUt if you cannot stand staying with inlaws - better to wait or if they are neutral people & you dont mind handling that for 1 yr why not.

                              I suggested rented before but my friends rather not -the money's better paying off housing loans they feel. well i think its ok - its just one room - unless you are tlaking about the whole house, then its a different story.

                              i am staying with my inlaws - so some renovation to the house & minor ones to my own house (my house is not as old as my SO's) to that my parents can also look good during the wedding.

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